• Public Service Announcement

    Public Service Announcement: The Basement Acquaintance

    For the last couple of days, I’ve had this clip from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air stuck in my head:

    I have no idea why I’ve been singing that song, however, singing that song made something click. People have these moments all the time. You meet someone that looks and/or acts one way. You invest feelings and time with this person and see a possible relationship/friendship developing.

    Cue the okey doke.

    What you initially thought about that person starts to blur. Perhaps the physical thing(s) that drew you in was only temporary.  That car may have been a rental or that big booty was a pair of butt pads. Or the behaviors that you thought were so redeeming were indeed a lie. Weekly volunteer work at the homeless shelter was not voluntary. In fact, it was part of their probation.

    When the truth is revealed about the basement acquaintance, I’m sure you’ll be pissed. However, you can always watch the clip above and laugh the anger away.

    “I’m stuck in a basement, sitting on a tricycle…”




  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 22-She Knows

    Video conference is finally over. I quietly do a happy dance, while stretching my aching body. Between Susan’s proposal and the launch of this new video game, I can’t wait for the next couple of months to end. Hopefully, we’ll be able to slow down and prepare for the baby’s arrival. There are classes, shopping trips, and books to read. Just thinking about it all is making me ravenous.

    I head into the kitchen to make my specialty: brown sugar ham and white cheddar sandwich on honey wheat bread. Yummy!  Happy that I’m feeding the beast, I take generous bites while blindly reaching for my phone on the counter. The phone isn’t there. I guess I left it in the living room. Tiptoeing through the room in search of my phone, I see one phone is on the coffee table. The other is rising and falling on Susan’s stomach.

    I grab the phone and walk back to the kitchen. Activating the phone’s home screen, I realize that I have Susan’s phone. I have no idea what we were thinking when we brought identical phones after the coming out fiasco. Way too confusing. I get up and swap Susan’s phone with the one that’s on her stomach. Why it’s there, I have no idea. She probably thought it was her phone.

    Walking back into the kitchen, I activate the phone’s home screen. I check my text messages looking for feedback from the meeting. Nothing received from my coworkers, but I notice a recent text from Nick.

    Just pay her the money Ashley.

    I don’t remember reading this message before. The message came in while I was in my meeting. I didn’t have my phone in the den with me. If I didn’t read it, then it was Susan who read it. Shit, shit, shit!!!!

    She knows.

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 21-Sleep Interrupted

    “Home sweet home!” I announce, dropping my bag and rubbing my belly. After a week in the hospital, I couldn’t wait to sleep in the comfy softness of my own bed. Collapsing on the sofa, Ashley closes the door behind us.

    “Have you spoken to your mother since her visit? She appeared to be in a hurry when I showed up,” Ashley asks, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor.

    My right eye twitches. She just won’t let it go. To avoid saying something I’ll regret later, I pause before responding.

    “No and she’s not going to speak to me until I make things right,” I mumble, rolling my eyes.

    Ashley groans.

    “You shouldn’t take this so lightly. I don’t play with Karma.”

    Her voice is shaky. Something is bothering her, but I know better than to ask her when she’s so anxious. I stand up and walk over to hug her. She brushes me away. Yeah…something is definitely weighing on her mind.

    “When you’re ready to talk about whatever is on your mind, I’ll be on the couch.”

    Sitting down with my feet on the ottoman, I reach for my laptop and cell phone from the sofa. Diligently typing away, I’m in the midst of finishing a proposal when my phone vibrates. It’s a text from Yelena. I would block her, but I find her threats quite entertaining.

    You’re going to know how it feels 2 b so close 2 having sumthin…just 2 have it b snatched away.

    I laugh and continue working. Ashley is in the den, participating in a video conference with her fellow video game programmers. That gives me at least two hours of time to work. Nodding off, I put the laptop and phone on the floor and stretch out across the sofa for a nap.

    Ashley’s vibrating phone disrupts my sleep. I get up and grab it from the kitchen counter. It’s a text message…from Nick. Why would Nick text Ashley? Curious, I open the message.

    Just pay her the money Ashley.

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 13-Adiós

    “Yep,” I responded, twisting my curls around my finger.

    Susan stared my down. If she wasn’t nauseous every 5 seconds, she would probably choke me out. I wouldn’t put it past her. Ashley smiled and turned back around to face Susan.

    “You…knew?” Susan asks.

    Ashley stands up and walks over to the windows.

    “I knew the day you told Yelena in what you thought was confidence. Were you planning on aborting the baby?”

    Susan coughs, unable to catch her breathe. A few sips of water got her on track.

    “I was planning on aborting the baby, but I told you instead. I didn’t want to run the risk of Blabbering Becky telling the entire world my business,” Susan says, looking dead at me.
    If it wasn’t a crime, I’d beat the brakes off of Susan.

    “Since you want to point fingers, Susan, let me get you together real quick. You repeatedly chastise me for decisions that I’ve made that YOU feel are below your moral compass. Karma has finally showed up and kicked you in your wide ass. Now look at you…pregnant by your ex-boyfriend’s twin brother.”

    My face is hot. Fists are clenched. Ashley smirks before walking down the hall. Susan stands up, and walks over to where I’m standing. Her face is so close to me I can count the pores on her face.

    “I should have known better to trust a known traitor. Ashley may have faith in you, but she’ll soon realize that your spirit is as fake as all those body parts you paid for. I may be pregnant but I will still fuck you up in more ways than one,” she softly whispers in my ear.

    I laugh. Unlike Susan, I don’t whisper shit.

    “There’s a reason why I’m a busy actress. I play my part well. I befriended you, because my best friend loves you. The moment you told me about your escapade with Nick, my tolerance of you ended. Be mad all you want to, but I’m not the star in this clusterfuck production. And if you think of laying a hand on me, I would advise that you think again. I will have your preggo ass locked up.”

    Susan’s silent. She knows she doesn’t want it with me. I leave her in the living room, while I casually walk to my room to pack my shit. Ashley was in the den, working. I gave her a kiss on the cheek before walking out of the front door with my bag.

    This ain’t over.

  • Story Time

    #XD30- Chapter 12-Confessional

    That damn Yelena! Ugh! Now Ashley’s looking at me, ready to attack.

    “Feel free to answer her anytime today Susan. ”

    She is livid. I glance at Yelena. She’s twisting gum around her finger. I’m fighting the urge to connect my fist with her moon face.

    “He doesn’t know…Yelena,” I mutter through clenched teeth.

    The drive back to the condo was silently tense. I get Yelena settled in her room while Ashley proceeds to pace in the living room.

    “Susan, I’m sorry,” Yelena says, making her best attempt to be sorry.

    I say nothing and walk out of the room. Fighting an onset of nausea, I grab a ginger ale and prepare to walk into battle.

    “Two months ago, Derek and I threw that Halloween party that you couldn’t attend. As former costumes, Derek and Nick decided to go as each other.”

    Ashley taps her feet. Her lack of patience is showing.

    “Quite a few games of beer pong and shots of tequila later, I pass out in the bedroom. I don’t know what time Derek passed out next to me, but I do know at some point, we had sex.”

    Ashley sighs.

    “I rolled over the next morning to face Derek and saw an armful of tattoos that weren’t there the night before.”

    I dry heave. I hate being pregnant. Yelena runs out of her room and comes over with a paper grocery bag.


    “Continue,” Ashley demands.

    “At that moment, I realized not only had I slept with Derek’s twin brother, but we didn’t use condoms. For the record, we’ve been tested and are fine.”

    Yelena coughs. Annoyed, Ashley turns in her direction.

    “Did she cover everything?”

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 11-Nick?

    “There’s definitely a baby in there,” the doctor announces, pointing to this bean-shaped dot on the screen.

    I don’t quite know what to say. Susan’s smiling, but I’m sure she’s stressing on the inside. I mean, she’s having a baby with her ex-boyfriend. The same one she left to be with her best friend. That’s kind of a lot going on.

    Susan wipes away a tear. “How far along am I?”

    The doctor pauses.

    “I would say you are around eight weeks.”

    I cough. Wow, eight weeks. I’m trying to contain my excitement, but I really just want to text Mom and Yelena with the news. I manage to send them a text message while Susan was getting dressed. Not 10 seconds after I send it, she turns around.

    “We have a little bit of time before we have to pick up Yelena,” Susan whispers, tracing the outline of my bottom lip with her finger.

    I smirk.

    “Watch it. That’s probably how you got knocked up.”

    “That and a lot of alcohol!” she yells.

    I laugh. I love Susan’s lack of filter. It’s definitely one of the things that attracted me to her. As we walked out of the office, I wrapped my arm around her waist. Susan lets out a deep sigh and let her shoulders fall.

    “I have to tell Derek. He’s not going to make this easy,” she mumbles as we approach the car.

    “Granted, I know he loathes us. But do you think he’s so upset that he’ll drag this out just because?”

    Susan puts on her sunglasses and turns to me.

    “Hell yes.”

    We grab some food en route to the airport, which makes us about 15 minutes late. Of course, Yelena’s flight would arrive on time. We park and head inside the airport. We approach the door to walk in when we hear a familiar voice.

    “Yo, Ashley!! Come here girl!!”

    Without hesitation, I turn around and start running. Yelena, multiple bags in tow, starts picking up the pace. We meet on the sidewalk and exchange hugs and kisses.

    “Yele, I miss you bunches!!!!”

    Brushing her curly hair out of her face, Yelena walks over to Susan and starts rubbing her belly.

    “Does Nick know yet?” she asks, looking directly at Susan.

    Susan’s face turns a shade of red that I thought wasn’t humanly possible. I’m totally lost. Why would Yelena ask Susan if Derek’s brother Nick knows?

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 6-Four Course Announcement Part 2

    What in the hell is Tim about to do? I anxiously fidget with my napkin in my lap as I watch Ashley begin her speech. She exudes sexy in that strapless fuchsia dress I picked out. Makes her eyes stand out. Anyway, she barely gets out the second sentence before Tim stands up and interrupts.

    “Babe, I know that you’re totally thrown off by the grandness of this, but there’s something that I want to share with you.”

    I can hear guests begin to chatter amongst each other. My palms start to sweat. I try to remember if we packed everything we wanted to take with us. If not, we definitely can’t go back to get it.

    Ashley looks nervously at me. I shrug my shoulders.

    “Tim, what…are…you…sharing?”

    I see the panic in Derek’s eyes and that’s when I realized what was happening. He’s f*cking proposing!!!! This absolutely, positively can’t happen. It can’t!

    “Ashley, I’ve been in love with you since the day you beat me at beer pong in undergrad.”

    Everyone breaks out in laughter; everyone with the exception of Derek and I.

    “You weren’t interested in me, but I wasn’t about to take that as a loss. I like to say that I eventually wore you down. I want us to grow old together, barely playing beer pong with our arthritic hands.”

    Tim motions to Derek. He reaches in his blazer pocket and takes out the box that I found a week ago. I scan the room, Ashley’s mother starts crying. Her father looks like he wants to run interference on the entire moment. Derek is pale and I just want to scream.

    Just when Tim begins to lower his right knee, Derek and I jump up and yell out, “Wait!”

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 4-Stolen Moments

    “What are we doing?” Ashley asks, placing her head of soft curls on my chest.

    Preferring to live in the moment, I say nothing. Instead, I kiss her on the forehead. Derek left to run errands a half hour ago.

    I hate that our relationship is comprised of stolen moments.

    Frustrated with my response, Ashley moves away from me.

    “You can’t keep ignoring the inevitable Susan. We have to come clean.”

    She’s right. I turn on my side to look at her.

    “You think I don’t know that? ! Exactly how would you like me to break the news?! Hey guys, I’ve been faux dicking Ashley for the past six years. Does that work for you?!”

    Ashley’s eyes narrow. The shit has officially hit the fan.

    “You know what?! I’ll break the news to Derek and Tim Saturday night at my birthday dinner. Don’t care if that works for you…you don’t have a choice.”

    I get out of the bed and start putting my clothes on.

    “Do what you have to do. I should have done it a long time ago.”

    Ashley snorts. She’s so sexy when she’s mad. I walk over to where Ashley’s standing, zipping up her jeans.

    Grabbing her hand, I look into her brown eyes and smile. I can never stay mad at her long. Hand in hand, we walk into the living room together.

    “We’re going to do this Saturday night. Together. I promise.”

    As soon as I finished the last syllable, I hear the key turning the lock on the front door. Ashley quickly lets go of my hand.

    I sashay over to Derek, kissing him on the cheek.

    “Hey honey. What do you want for lunch? ”

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 3-Tunnel Vision

    The ring that Susan thinks is for her isn’t for her. Before we went in for Susan’s last procedure, I had gone to the jeweler to pick it up for my cousin Tim. He’s planning on proposing to his girlfriend Ashley this weekend. Hence the phone call that I know Susan was eavesdropping on.

    I’ve been trying to talk Tim out of this proposal for weeks now. It’s not that I don’t like Ashley. I think she’s awesome as a person. There are things about her that I’ve noticed about her that I know Tim can’t see. He’s so in love with her it’s ridiculous. Ashley knows that Tim has a severe case of tunnel vision when it comes to her.

    What makes it worse is that as her best friend, Susan should be talking Tim out of this engagement, not me. But Susan can’t do that because she doesn’t know about the engagement.

    It’s now Thursday morning. I’m in the kitchen making a cup of coffee when Susan walks in.

    “You’re up early. I thought you weren’t going in the office today.”

    I yawn. “I have some errands to run. I should be home by 2.”

    “Okay. I’m going to get ready for work.”

    As I sip my coffee, I grab a pen and paper. The engagement dinner is scheduled for Saturday night at 7. Tim’s told Ashley that he’s having a birthday party for her. I have to confirm the seating and flight confirmations for family members coming in Friday night. I can’t believe that Tim is flying so many people in from out of town. I have to tell him before he wastes all of this money.

    How do you tell someone you love like a sibling that his fiancée is sleeping with your girlfriend?

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships,  The Complexities of Life

    “Love” and F*ckery

    Embed from Getty Images

    People will put up with anything all in the name of “love”, including f*ckery.

    I’m sure we know at least one person who, to avoid loneliness, will date/marry/etc less than stellar individuals. Don’t act like you’ve never noticed. I know I’ve had several “what the hell does he/she see in him/her” moments.

    What makes these folks less than stellar? Oftentimes, it’s the ginormous elephant that’s in the room. The pieces of the puzzle that just don’t fit no matter how you try to justify it. While you scratch your head in doubt, that other person is doing one of the following: blinded by “love”, too stupid to see the obvious OR they probably see past the bull and just don’t want to be alone so they ignore it.

    We all have our breaking point. When will you get to yours? Or have you already gotten there and refuse to cross the line?

    Nothing good will come out of being with someone just to avoid being lonely. NOTHING! Loneliness and desperation can be smelled a mile away. Some folks feed off of that.

    When you say to the Universe that you just want “somebody”, you will get “any and every thing”.

    More than likely, this is why you have what you have now. The sharks are attracted to your emotional stench. It’s disgusting. Clean yourself up.

    This “love” that you have is  pure f*ckery at its finest.

    Learn the difference.


    Edited November 23, 2014