• The Complexities of Life

    Gold Star Entitlement

     

    Image via Google Images.

    SUPER MA

    That was on the license plate of a vehicle I was driving behind.

    My immediate thought was why do people feel as though they are entitled to special recognition for doing their job?

    In kindergarten, my teacher gave students stickers (e.g., gold, silver, bronze) based on their behavior that day. If you behaved, you got a gold star. If your behavior was less than stellar, you got a silver star, bronze star, or no star. That system motivated students to be on their best behavior.

    This system doesn’t apply to the real world.

    You don’t expect to receive a gold star for coming to work every day. If you want to continue to keep your lights on, you’ll come to work. There are no hand claps for paying rent/mortgage on time. No pats on the back for putting gas in your car before the gas light comes on.

    These things are done because it’s necessary. Stop seeking recognition for doing what’s necessary.

  • The Complexities of Life

    Applaud the Struggle

    Image via Pinterest.

    A friend of mine was tweeting about her upcoming December graduation. She mentioned that it felt like she had been in college forever. After congratulating her on seeing the light at the end of that very, very long tunnel, my spirit was moved to tweet out some words of encouragement.

     

     

    There are so many detours in your way, that you lose sight of your path of travel. I was a freshman in 2000 but I spent so much time not going to classes that I was voted off the academic island in 2002. Even though I was suspended from attending any four-year institution for five years, I didn’t let that discourage me from my goal of finishing school before I turned 30.

    So I enrolled in community college as a part-time student  May 2003. While working full-time, I graduated July 2007. Yes, it took me four years and two months to finish community college. But you know what? I finished and that’s all that matters. By the time I graduated, my suspension period was over. I applied for admission in a four-year university for the Fall 2008 semester.

    I got accepted. At the time, I was 27 years old.

    I carried a full course load Fall 2008, Spring 2009, Summer 2009, and Fall 2009. Insane doesn’t even begin to describe my physical and mental state during that time. Stress from the course load made me sick every semester. At some point, I had surgery on my wrist, came home, and wrote an essay that was due that evening. Don’t judge me.

    On December 19, 2009 at 2 p.m. EST, I graduated from Old Dominion University. I was 27 years old.

    I’m thankful everyday that I went through this. Without struggle, I wouldn’t be aware of my own strength.

    And that, ladies and gentleman, is worthy of an applause.

     

     

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    Sorry (Not Sorry)

     

    Image via quotesvalley.com

    On Season 3, Episode 8 of “Mary Mary”, Teddy informs his sister-in-law Erica that he doesn’t feel a need to hide out of shame because he had multiple affairs. Yes, multiple affairs.

    My first thought upon watching that scene was that there isn’t enough prayer and/or scripture in the world to help me see past Teddy’s bullshit. I don’t think that Teddy is truly sorry for the affairs.

    Watching him explain to Erica that he wanted to fight for his marriage had me rolling my eyes. There was no sincerity on his face whatsoever. I understand that some people don’t show emotions, but this ain’t the case.

    What exactly is Teddy sorry for?

    It damn sure isn’t those affairs. I don’t feel that he’s sorry for the multiple affairs he’s had. Case in point, if he was sorry about the affairs he was having, he wouldn’t have had multiple affairs.

    It’s not the affairs that Teddy is sorry for. Teddy is sorry that he got caught. More specifically, he’s apologizing because his infidelities have become public knowledge.

    An apology means absolutely nothing if it isn’t genuine. A lot of times, someone will apologize solely to save face. Make the other party feel that their apology is sincere when in reality, they don’t give a damn if their actions are hurtful.

    What you hear doesn’t necessarily have the same meaning as the sender intended. You hear “I’m sorry for hurting you” when in actuality you’re hearing “I’m sorry for embarrassing you but not sorry for the specific things I did to hurt you.”

    It takes two to care, remember?

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

     

     

    Updated August 16 ,2016

  • The Complexities of Life

    It Takes Two to Care

    Image via Pinterest.

    Relationships involve a lot of give and take. You can’t expect everything to work out all the time without having to give up something to get something in return. That would be delusional.

    If relationships are supposed to be 50/50, what happens in the event the scale is tipped?

    Disagreements happen in relationships. It’s not going to be roses and sunshine all the time. That’s okay. On the other hand, some disagreements can be so bad, cracks form in the foundation you’ve worked so hard to build. In that moment you have two options:

    1. Call it quits.

    OR

    2. Fight for the relationship.

    Decisions, decisions.

    If the disagreement involves something that goes against your values , quitting is a viable option. Don’t stay in a relationship that you aren’t going to be happy with. Know when enough is enough.

    If the foundation is worth repairing, by all means, fight for the relationship. Do what needs to be done to fix things. But there’s a catch. Both parties have to care about the relationship enough to fight for it. You cannot, I repeat, you cannot fight for something you don’t care about.

    It takes one to tip the scale and two to care enough to balance it out.

     

     

     

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    When Trust Flees the Scene

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    This post is inspired by the following question that appeared on my Twitter timeline:

    How do you deal with being cheated on?

    My response? Leave.

    There are some things that can be forgiven (e.g., forgetting a birthday, anniversary, paying the cable bill on time, etc). Cheating ain’t one of ’em.

    For some, the logical decision to leave isn’t so clear-cut.

    Trust is a hard thing to gain to begin with. It’s  earned, not given by default to any ol’ body.

    Once that trust is violated, it’s damn near impossible to get back. I can recall an instance where I knew that he was cheating but my heart wanted to stay.

    It can work, I would tell myself. Now matter how hard I tried to make it work, there was no amount of forgiveness to make me forget.

    I didn’t believe anything he said anymore. Questioned his whereabouts each time he came home. Raised an eyebrow anytime he used his phone. Made myself anxious worry about him instead of packing to leave. Anxiety is the byproduct of worrying. It wrecks havoc on your well-being. No amount of delusion can fix the damage that has been done.

    When trust flees the scene, that’s your cue to leave as well.

  • The Complexities of Life

    Stop Being Petty and Count Your Blessings

    Petty behavior can block blessings. If it hasn’t happened to you, I’m sure you know of someone this has happened to. Here’s a scenario. Your best friend has a major life event happening. You would love to attend the event, however, financial constraints won’t allow that to happen.

    You explain this to your friend, hoping that he/she will understand your situation. No such luck. Instead, your friend proceeds to explain that if you really wanted to attend the event, you would move whatever mountains were in the way to make it happen.

    Insensitive? Yes.

    It’s bad enough that you can’t attend the event but to have the person that you care about so much basically tell you that you aren’t shit for not being there for him really stings. Granted, this is going to be a sore spot for a while but focus on what you have.  Be grateful for having this person in your life. Do you know how hard it is to find a loyal person these days? Yes it sucks that your best friend can’t be there for you this one time, but cherish all the moments that you two got to share.

    Instead of zeroing in on this one particular let down, be grateful for what you do have. Being petty won’t get you far. Choose what matters and live accordingly.

  • The Complexities of Life

    How Writing About Self Taught Me About Myself

    Spending the last month writing about myself taught me quite a bit. To wrap up this month’s NaBloPoMo, I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned this month:

    1. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.
    2. Confidence is the key to success.
    3. Conformity isn’t a necessity.
    4. My thoughts/ideas are valid.
    5. Peace of mind is invaluable.

    So tell me, what have you learned about yourself lately? Let’s discuss in the comments!

  • The Complexities of Life

    An Introvert’s Confidant

    Image via faerie-angel.deviantart.com

    A diary is an introvert’s confidant.

    I was an 18 year old college freshman when I started my first diary. When I renewed my subscription to Seventeen magazine (don’t judge me), I got this really cute gold notebook.

    From that moment on, I’ve had several diaries. They’ve been the keeper of my secrets, fears, dreams, failures, etc. Diaries are my confidant when my introversion prevents me from opening up to others.

    What are your thoughts on diaries?

  • The Complexities of Life

    Soothing Quiet

    http://www.pinterest.com/gladys0928/personal-me-ways/
    Image via Pinterest.

    When I’m constantly interacting with people, I find myself socially exhausted. Time is needed to recharge, preferably with an adult beverage.

    If given the choice, I would love to spend the majority of my time alone at home. Being alone with my thoughts is soothing.

    Please don’t confuse my desire to be alone with being lonely. They are two totally different things.

    What are your thoughts on alone time? Love it? Need it? Hate it? Indifferent?

  • The Complexities of Life

    Sarcasm Anyone?

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    It would be easy to say that humor is my favorite personality trait but everyone thinks their funny. What everyone isn’t, however, is sarcastic.

    I silently laugh when I make a joke laced with sarcasm and I see that confused look on someone’s face as they try to figure it out. It keeps me sane when I’m surrounded by stupid 8-10 hours a day.

    So tell me, what is your favorite personality trait?