• The Recovering Pessimist | Back to Center: Update 7 | www.therecoveringpessimist.me | #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #backtocenter
    Back to Center

    Back to Center: Update 7

    2020 has been one hell of a year.

    I’m stressed, my anxiety is a hot mess, and writing this blog post has been a struggle.

    It’s felt like an endless gut punch. Kobe died, COVID-19 hit the streets, and an election year have all weighed on my spirit.

    I’ve struggled with my creativity throughout the year. It comes in waves where I don’t want to do anything & waves where I get a rush of ideas at one time.

    In between the gut punches, there have been some bright spots.

    1. The pandemic sent my job home to telework, something I’ve wanted to do for years.
    2. I got my 2021 Passion Planner in the mail & I look forward to using it to not only keep me organized but also a creative outlet.
    3. I learned to give myself a lot of grace this year.
    4. I made adjustments in my home in anticipation of the upcoming cold weather months.

    I don’t expect 2021 to be the start of everything suddenly better. What I do expect to do remain focused while being gentle with myself. That’s all we can do at this point, right?

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Complexities of Life

    My 2019 Wrap Up

    The Recovering Pessimist | My 2019 Wrap Up | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

    I started 2019 with a full list of goals to accomplish. As the year progressed, my priorities shifted from my list of goals to a focus on being productive with focusing on self-care. I’m proud of the things I accomplished. I’m also grateful for the lessons I learned in the midst of some hellacious storms. Below are the highlights and lessons learned in 2019:

    2019 Highlights 

    Got a raise

    Amazed and shocked. That’s all I can say.

    Got comfy at home

    Throughout the year, I made improvements at home to make things more comfortable. I brought a combination washer/dryer, which is fabulous! I replaced a noisy bathroom exhaust fan with a much quieter model. The hideous storage shed in the backyard got demolished. I also finished an outdoor storage space with drywall.

    Discovered couponing accounts on Instagram

    I love a great deal and I’ll wait months for something I want to go on sale before I buy it. Couponing accounts on Instagram have saved me so much money. Just remember to turn your notifications on:)

    I saw Hamilton!

    Ya’ll, when news broke that Hamilton was coming to Richmond, I was excited. The show is amazing!  If it comes to your area and you’re able to see it, go! You won’t regret it.

    2019 Lesson Learned

    Set boundaries…and stick to them

    Boundaries were a key part of my self-care this year. I had to finally acknowledge that I could no longer ignore the toxic people in my life. The hardest part of this process was separating the person from who they were in my life. I continue to struggle with that at times, but I remind myself why these boundaries exist, and I continue to follow through. By sticking to the boundaries I set, my stress/anxiety levels are manageable.

    This year was a great year. I’m grateful for all that I’ve done and learned. I’m happy to go into 2020 in a much better headspace. I hope 2020 will be a kickass year for you!

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Complexities of Life

    What Are Your Options?

    The Recovering Pessimist | "What Are Your Options?" | Every idea I have comes with at least 2 other options, just in case things go left. Having those options make me feel comfortable and prepared. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    Photo by Dose Media on Unsplash

    I’ve never subscribed to the idea of only having one chance (or opportunity) to make it happen. That’s a lot of pressure. I don’t want to make myself anxious asking myself the same questions:

    What if it doesn’t work?

    What am I going to do next?

    No matter how confident you are with your idea, things can go left at any moment. Oftentimes without any sort of warning. How will you handle the situation?

    [tweetshare tweet=”You don’t forfeit ideas because you didn’t have other options.” username=”irzY3n0P88iH(Ehn#F@pCiV3bViiRWon:1:1″]

    Keep a few options in your back pocket. Just in case.

    Until next time,

    Joy

     

  • The Recovering Pessimist: "Allow Yourself to Feel" -- In order to experience the beauty in disappointment, I have to allow myself to feel the disappointment. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    The Complexities of Life

    Allow Yourself to Feel

    Peep the scene.

    You invest time and energy into something with the hopes that it will be a success. You weigh the pros and cons, mentally preparing yourself for the worst while hoping for the best. Anxiety has you in shambles.

    The countdown is over. It’s time to find out your fate…and it’s the worst case scenario.

    *insert expletive of choice here*

    No matter how much you prepare for it, disappointment hurts like hell. My way of dealing with disappointment was to be upset for a sec and then move on to whatever was next. That worked until this year when I realized that there’s beauty in disappointment.

    [tweetshare tweet=”The catch is, in order to experience the beauty in disappointment, I have to allow myself to feel the disappointment.” username=”irzY3n0P88iH(Ehn#F@pCiV3bViiRWon:1:1″]

    When you know better, you do better, right?

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Complexities of Life

    Truth Skewed by Pride

    The Recovering Pessimist: Truth Skewed by Pride -- Despite knowing that there are 3 versions of the truth, there are times when we'll see our truth as the only one that matters. Why? One word: pride. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistOne of the things I learned as a kid was that there are 3 versions of the truth:

    Your truth.

    Their truth.

    The truth itself.

    Somewhere within your truth and their truth is the truth itself. Sometimes, it’s easy to get to. Other times, you have to dig through the info to find it. The journey to get to truth itself is full of anxiety and/or optimism. You might find yourself hoping that their truth is wrong. You might find yourself hoping that your truth is right. Or, you may hope that both of you are wrong.

    On rare occasions, the truth may never come to light. There are a few reasons why this could be, but the one that sticks out the most is pride (see here, here, and here for past posts about pride). When it comes to truth, you may know that your version of the truth isn’t correct. Instead of coming to terms with that, you instead stick with your version. I’ve been guilty of this on several occasions. Put your pride in check or it’ll have you out here looking dumb as hell.

    [bctt tweet=”Be mindful of the role you play in the truth. How you see things isn’t always how it really is. ” username=”MsWalton”]

    As I love to say…when you know better, you do better.

    Take care.

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    When Trust Flees the Scene

    Image via Pinterest.

    This post is inspired by the following question that appeared on my Twitter timeline:

    How do you deal with being cheated on?

    My response? Leave.

    There are some things that can be forgiven (e.g., forgetting a birthday, anniversary, paying the cable bill on time, etc). Cheating ain’t one of ’em.

    For some, the logical decision to leave isn’t so clear-cut.

    Trust is a hard thing to gain to begin with. It’s  earned, not given by default to any ol’ body.

    Once that trust is violated, it’s damn near impossible to get back. I can recall an instance where I knew that he was cheating but my heart wanted to stay.

    It can work, I would tell myself. Now matter how hard I tried to make it work, there was no amount of forgiveness to make me forget.

    I didn’t believe anything he said anymore. Questioned his whereabouts each time he came home. Raised an eyebrow anytime he used his phone. Made myself anxious worry about him instead of packing to leave. Anxiety is the byproduct of worrying. It wrecks havoc on your well-being. No amount of delusion can fix the damage that has been done.

    When trust flees the scene, that’s your cue to leave as well.

  • The Complexities of Life

    Find Your Own Way to Let Go

    Image via Pinterest.

    I don’t like to share my problems and/or issues with anyone. In the past, I’ve disclosed to people in confidence only to find out they violated my trust.

    So I dealt with things alone, which worked in theory. However, it wrecked havoc on my health. Lots of sleepless nights, loss of appetite, horrible hair days, and that’s just the physical ramifications.

    Mentally, the anxiety from worrying held me hostage. I felt like the world around me hit PAUSE because I was unable to focus on anything besides the issue/problem at hand.

    Once a solution was found, I was able to mentally hit PLAY and life proceeded to go on.

    The last time an issue wrecked havoc, I was determined not to go through this. I grabbed my journal, taking my time to detail what was weighing heavily on my mind. As I wrote, I felt the weight becoming lighter. A feeling of immense calm rushed over me and I was able to focus on a possible solution.

    Find your own way of letting go. It benefits no one to bottle up all of that stress and anxiety.

    Help yourself continue to be your best self.

  • The Complexities of Life

    Beautiful Sadness

    Behind the dimpled smile

    Past the contagious laughter

    A flicker of sadness rests in her eyes.

    Anxiety agitates her stomach

    Stress dances on her spine

    Pride won’t show it

    Alone, she cries.

    Fear and worry flow hot

    Down her cheeks.

    Weight slowly lifting

    From her burdened shoulders.

    A beautiful sadness revealed

    A dimpled smile and contagious laughter.

    But no amount of tears

    Can remove that flicker of sadness from her eyes.

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 24-Cracks in the Foundation

    Susan looks so calm holding that gun by her side. It takes a few minutes for me to calm my nerves and gather my thoughts.

    “What exactly do you mean by ‘money doesn’t keep crazy away’”?

    Susan laughs and walks over to the bookshelf. She carefully puts the gun back in the book and places the book back on the shelf.

    “Let’s not play stupid Ashley. You know exactly what I mean. Yelena is not going to just go away. No amount of money is going to keep her away. A bullet on the other hand…”

    She sneezes.

    “…is permanent.”

    Oh. My. Damn.

    “You can’t possibly be talking about a permanent means to remove Yelena from our lives?”

    Susan sits on the chaise lounge and rubs her ankle.

    “What part of permanent don’t you understand?” she asks, left eyebrow raised.

    “You know what? Your hormones have you on 10 and I need you to bring it down to two and a quarter. You’re pregnant. Sit your ass down somewhere, put your fucking feet up, and chill the fuck out!!”

    Storming out of the room, I didn’t hear her respond. At that moment, I had enough of her. If her way of coping with the truth is the handgun edition of Show and Tell, how the hell is she going to deal with motherhood?

    “Where are you going?! I know you hear me!!!!”

     Feeling an anxiety attack coming on, I grab my jacket from the hall closet, and snatch my keys from the stand next to the front door. The door closes behind me. With hands shaking and breathing erratic, I get on the elevator to the lobby. Opening the lobby door, the cool air dances across my face. Standing against the brick wall, I release the tears. Tears steady flowing, I grab my phone from my pocket and send a text.

     I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

     

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    Leap Then Look

    Do you always look before you leap?

    Leap, then look, and marvel at your bravery.

    My mother taught me to look before I walk.

    If I’m taking a risk, I always run the risk of letting anxiety take over, so I’ll leap and then look.

    By then, it’s too late to go back, so enjoy the journey.