• The Complexities of Life

    Who’s Gonna Save YOU?


    The Recovering Pessimist: Who's Gonna Save YOU?On Season 4, Episode 10 of  “Scandal“, Olivia (played by Kerry Washington) is in some unknown location after being kidnapped in the previous episode. Despite being held against her will, she still manages to attempt to “fix” the person that’s in the same cell that she is in. Later in the episode, she’s dreaming that Jake (played by Scott Foley) saves her when in reality, she realizes that despite being able to save others, she’s going to have to save herself if she wants to get away from her kidnappers.

    As I watched the episode, I got inspired. Back in the day, I couldn’t stand to see the people in my life suffer. I would do whatever I could to save them (sometimes to my detriment) because that’s what I was taught.

    But see, the problem with saving everyone else is that there’s no guarantee that somebody is going to be there to save you. I would reach out to people, including those I had previously saved, just to be let down. I don’t expect folks to come to my aid, however, when it’s the person who previously helped you asking for help, you need to help them. Pay it forward, you know?

    My mother always says that you find out who people really are when you ask them for help. I didn’t understand what she meant until it happened to me. As usual, she was right. Yet another painful lesson I had to learn.



  • The Complexities of Life

    Ornamental Relationships

    Last week, I watched the Season 2 premiere of ABC’s “Scandal”. In a heated argument with his wife over her meddling in foreign policy, President Grant said the following with so much anger that it felt like a verbal third degree burn.

    “You’re ornamental, not functional.”

    It’s harsh, but true.  We want to believe that people establish relationships out of a mutual love for one another. While that doesn’t happen, there are those who establish relationships for face value only. I would refer to these relationships as ornamental. I am curious to know how many people are in ornamental relationships and don’t know it. You believe that you’re in this relationship because someone loves and respects you. Are you loved? Are you respected? Material things aren’t symbols of love. As I mentioned in Love Misunderstood, what you have isn’t love.  As long as you keep your mouth closed, all is well in your ornamental relationship.

    Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of people who are okay with that arrangement. Person A will do whatever it takes to maintain Person B’s role as silent arm candy, trophy wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend provided Person B knows their role. If it works for them, who are we to judge? Besides, normal has no blueprint.

    The end.


    Updated January 1, 2015