On Season 12, Episode 14 of Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith gives a speech to Jo in response to Jo feeling that Meredith treats her unfairly. In the speech, Meredith delivered a line that had me clapping:
“You are what you allow.”
In all relationships, you decide what behavior you will (and won’t) allow in the relationship. If someone says and/or does something that rubs you the wrong way, it’s YOUR responsibility to speak up. Let them know that their words and/or actions are unacceptable.
Don’t assume that they know better.
Don’t assume that they won’t do it again.
[bctt tweet=”For many, silence equates acceptance. If you don’t speak up, folks will continue to disrespect you. ” username=”MsWalton”]
I can’t say this enough. You cannot complain about how someone treats you when you haven’t opened your mouth to say something and/or still stick around. You can love and care about them all you want to, but I need you to care about yourself more.
During Season 12, Episode 23 of Grey’s Anatomy, Alex (Justin Chambers) proposed to his girlfriend Jo (Camilla Luddington). The episode ends and Jo hasn’t responded to Alex’s proposal. Fast forward to Episode 24. Alex asks Jo why she hasn’t answered him. Jo asks Alex is her being in love with him good enough because she isn’t going anywhere.
Frustrated, Alex proceeds to tell Jo that he wants a wife and children and if that’s not what she wants, they don’t need to be together. During Alex’s monologue, he said the following quote which then inspired this blog post:
My dating life is full of experiences, both good and bad. I’ve stayed in relationships longer than I should. Hell, I’ve gotten into relationships that I shouldn’t have gotten into. It took a long time for me to learn the lessons and now that I’m older, there are a lot of things that I’m unwilling to accept. I’m at a point in my life where I have non-negotiables and if those non-negotiables cannot be met, then I have no need for you.
Below are two of my dating non-negotiables that I refuse to bend on:
Say What You Mean & Mean What You Say
I have a zero tolerance policy for bullsh*t. I’ve been a sucker for believing someone’s promises. They usually started with “I swear”, “I promise”, “I bet”, and so on. Those phrases usually ended in disappointment because they failed to follow through. Never again. Nowadays, I pay more attention to what you aren’t saying. If you can’t back those words up, you can go.
There are a few of my exes that I shouldn’t have dated. After repeating the pattern several times, I finally figured out the reason.
Me + Loneliness = Settling
My problem with loneliness was that in the past, I would be more focused on curing the loneliness versus finding someone who was worthy of my time & energy. I didn’t see that they weren’t financially/emotionally stable and/or monogamous. Why? My focus was skewed and I ignored the red flags that were waving in my path.
Don’t ever settle because you’re lonely. In fact, don’t settle at all. You have standards and if you put those standards aside for even a hot second, you invite all kinds of red flags into your personal space. You can’t get that time and energy back.
[bctt tweet=”Don’t spend your precious time entertaining those who are unworthy.” username=”MsWalton”]
Having non-negotiables in place help you navigate through the madness of the dating world. You can dodge the scrubs and make way for what you truly want. No need to make dating harder than it already is, right?
While watching Season 12, Episode 1 of Grey’s Anatomy, a lack of communication affected the characters and patients. There’s a lot of talking back and forth, but nobody is really listening.
The episode was an example of what happens when the lines of communication break down. Communication is the key to all relationships. All parties involved need to work together for communication to be successful.
So many of the disagreements I had with people stemmed from a lack of communication. I’d get so wrapped up in my emotions and/or opinions that I wouldn’t listen to what the other party was saying. A
[bctt tweet=”You can’t talk to a brick wall and expect the brick wall to talk back. “]
The results repeated themselves: long bouts of not speaking to one another. Eventually, I’d give up without attempting to talk things out. It worked for a while, but over time, I started to feel like crap for not being the bigger person. Most of the issues were petty and could be resolved by just working through it.
[bctt tweet=”We have to figure out how we’re going to break through the wall that lack of communication built. “]
Until you realize that you have to break through the wall that lack of communication built, history will continue to repeat itself. Do better.