• The Recovering Pessimist | Rip Off the Bandage | www.therecoveringpessimist.me | #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    The Complexities of Life

    Rip Off the Bandage

    There’s a difference between helping someone & someone depending on you for help.

    We can’t do it all on our own. At some point, we’re going to need to seek some sort of help (e.g., financial, encouragement, time, etc.). Understandable.


    …there are times when you get tired of someone expecting you to help them. It’s happened to me several times. I felt conflicted because I didn’t want them to struggle but I also didn’t want to help them out anymore.

    I ripped off the bandage.

    I had to have a Come to Jesus meeting with them to explain that I was no longer going to help them out. I wish I could tell you that the person was receptive, but that would be a lie. They were pissed. Probably are still pissed to this day.

    Nothing lasts forever, including depending on others.

    Until next time,




  • The Complexities of Life

    A Pep Talk to Myself

    The Recovering Pessimist: A Pep Talk to Myself -- I have my down moments. Self-doubt creeps in and screws with my psyche. I wanted to share a pep talk I recently had with myself. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistI have moments when I don’t feel good enough. The “what ifs” creep in, bringing the self-doubt that I worked so hard to keep at bay to the surface.

    Years ago, I would panic when this would happen. Now, I understand that it’s okay to have these moments. How I handled these moments when self-doubt attempted a takeover is what mattered. These days, I give myself a pep talk. Nothing fancy, just a conversation to myself from myself. Below is an example of a pep talk I wrote in my journal about a year ago. After you read it, let me know if you give yourself pep talks and what you tell yourself.

    After you read it, let me know if you give yourself pep talks and what you tell yourself. Without further adieu, here we go.

    Look, I get that you’re having a down moment now and that’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re surrounded by some pretty awesome people who care about you and want nothing but the best for you. Lean on them. Let them help you. 

    You have dreams and goals. That requires patience, which you don’t have much of. Remember, patience is necessary for your growth. Nothing in this life will happen on your time.

    It’s healthy to want love in your life. Don’t seek love. Live your life. Let love come to you.

    Appreciate what you see in the mirror, flaws included. Flaws make you the dope soul that you are. 

    Repeat this as much as you need to until the self-doubt goes away.




  • The Complexities of Life

    Memories of Company I No Longer Keep

    Friendship (Photo credit: vinodbahal)

    Recently, I was going through some old photos. Forgotten memories shared with people I no longer have friendships with. As I reflected on how the demise of our friendships occurred, I was reminded of something my mother constantly stressed to me when I was younger:

    You ARE the company that you keep.

    I met a group of women through a coworker I had befriended. We were all in constant contact with one another via text, phone calls, emails, social media, etc. We had a lot of fun together. Eventually, I grew tired of going out 3-4 times a week. I wanted to go back to school and in order for me to do that, partying would have to cease.

    They didn’t like that decision. Instead of being supportive, they couldn’t understand why I couldn’t go to school and party with them on weekends. I explained to them that school isn’t just on the weekdays. School was going to be my top priority and if they don’t like it, tough shit.

    The photos reminded me of how over-saturated our friendship was.  Way too much of a good thing. I miss them at times. We’ve matured and moved on with our lives.

    Take a minute to analyze the people in your life. If the people in your life bring you support and positivity, great. No really, great. If you find that there are people in your life who provide nothing but bad karma, give ’em the boot.

    They’re no good for you.

  • The Complexities of Life

    Insufficient Friendships

    While doing some emotional spring cleaning, I realized that there are some people in my life that take without giving, and they have to go.

    Rafiki was ever so wise.

    Friendships work like ATMS. As long as you have the funds available to sustain the friendship, the friendship works. The moment the funds start to dwindle is when the friendship becomes insufficient.

    I’m tired of putting funds into this friendship while the other parties continue to withdraw from the accounts. This time isn’t like all the others when I just “deal with it”. I’m pissed. I’ve put water in the pot. Put the pot on the stove. Turned the stove on and now the water is boiling over.

    I’m closing the account and redistributing funds amongst the friendships that matter to me.

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    Love Songs: Corinne Bailey Rae-“Breathless”

    Falling in love with a friend.  A blessing and a curse. It’s awesome that you’ve fallen in love with someone who “gets” you.  Being friends before lovers is a definite must as far as relationships are concerned.

    Before you decide to step into the murky waters of the unknown, there’s so much to consider. Do they feel the same way? If they don’t feel the same way, will things be weird between you? What if they feel the same way and the relationship doesn’t work out? Can you remain friends? Do you even want to risk your friendship? So many emotions.

    This song sums it up perfectly. Enjoy!

  • The Complexities of Life

    Stealth Support System

    A good friend of mine is going through some things. He’s just got himself together after another series of events that shook his core. To see life deal another hand of unfavorable cards to him is truly a test. As a friend, I know that I had to be there to support him. Experience has taught me that sometimes the weight can be too heavy for you to carry alone.

    Even if the weight is too heavy, people may feel uncomfortable asking for help. At times, my friend can be like this. Recent events have him in a level 4 (of 5) funk. That’s deep. He’ll internalize whatever emotions he’s feeling, but I can sense that that something is bothering him. Until he is ready to talk, I provide support in a very stealth-like manner.

    This type of support is a combination of intuition and a thorough knowledge of that person. If I didn’t know him as well as I do, I wouldn’t be able to know what he needs before he does. It kind of reminds me of a Secret Service. You may not be able to see them, but they’re always there.

    Just call me Secret Agent Lucky Lefty.