The past four weeks have been an interesting journey. Writing these letters is incredibly therapeutic. I’ve let go of my obsession with forever, made amends with my past, and listened to my elders. You know, I just realized that I’ve done more self-reflection in 4 weeks than I’ve done in 4 years. I’m proud of myself.
pats self on back
[bctt tweet=”This self-reflection session reminded me that I cannot allow the past to prevent me from experiencing love in my future. “]
It feels soooo gooood to heal old wounds. My spirit feels a little lighter than it did. My heart is definitely more open than it was. I am a work in progress. Thank you #Love for being so patient with me.
When it comes to love, I’ve had to retrain myself, if that makes sense. The ice fortress I built years ago to protect myself from heartache is now doing more harm than good. I’m so worried about getting my feelings hurt that I end up missing out on potential mates.
Time to switch this up.
[bctt tweet=”Part of working my way back to love involves melting the icy fortress that’s protected me for years.”]
I’m more aware of my feelings and my actions. I refuse to hold the actions of the past against future potential. It’s not fair to them nor is it fair to me. I carry the lessons from my elders, I’ve made amends with the past, and I’m I see things for what they are instead of what they could be.
My elders always say that you’re doomed to repeat the mistakes of your past if you don’t learn from them.
I made friends with people who only befriended me for what I could do for them.
I dated guys who wanted a body to lay with, not a partner to grow with.
I didn’t correct my friends the moment I realized they were using me. Nor did I drop those guys when I realized they didn’t want what I wanted. Because I didn’t do anything to make things better, the cycle repeated itself until I finally got fed up.
[bctt tweet=”You teach people how you want them to treat you.”]
That’s one of the top 10 life lessons I’ve learned. I want to thank my elders for all that you’ve taught me.
I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection since I’ve entered my 30s. This journey isn’t easy by no means, but it’s necessary. Writing in my journal has helped me work through a lot of my issues. I’ve apologized to a lot of people in those pages, but I have one more apology to make.
[bctt tweet=”#Love, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for blaming you for my mistakes. I’m so sorry for taking advantage of you. I’ve learned my lessons. Will you accept my apology? “]
I’m in a good place now and I feel that if you entered my life at this point, I’d welcome you with open arms. You gotta admit, we do work well together.
I was with my first love from the ages of about 19 to 21-22ish. A mutual friend introduced us and the attraction between us was undeniable. School kept us 100+ miles apart, but technology kept us in touch.
We had met each other’s parents and close friends. I couldn’t go anywhere by myself without someone asking about him. We talked about our future together, which involved marriage and possibly children.
I was in love and it felt warm and tingly. I loved being affectionate towards him in public. Oh, and we were totally that couple that sat on the same side of the booth at restaurants. There were times where we finished each other’s sentences. Whew, I was in deep!
*insert heavy sigh here*
When you get comfortable with the person you’re dating, the real you begins to show. There were things about him that I didn’t like and I’m sure he felt the same way. We’re all flawed and besides, we loved each other and that’s what matters right?
Yeah…not so much.
Over time, the warm and tingly feeling went away. We argued. Looking back on it, my jealousy started a lot of the arguments. Cracks were forming in our relationship. We weren’t the happy couple that we were in the beginning. I was aware of that. What I didn’t realize was that he had emotionally checked out and checked in elsewhere.
I had dreams for us. He was my ONE, my heart, my love. Correction. I thought he was my ONE. I don’t regret the relationship because I was introduced to heartbreak and taught a very valuable lesson:
I’ve been brainstorming ideas for February’s theme. Last year, I wrote a series entitled #Love: A Musical Retrospective. This year, I didn’t want to do something as grand, but I wanted it to be just as personal.
So, I decided to write “Dear #Love” Letters. It’s comprised of five letters from myself to #Love covering a range of topics based on personal experience. It’s my way of healing old wounds and opening myself up to experiences that I have avoided.
While working on a potential post for today, I kept singing Michael Jackson’s “Remember The Time”. I’ve said in a previous post how inspiration tends to appear in the strangest of places. Today is no different. While singing, I thought about the last time I was in love. The song is a reminder of good memories and I wanted to share it with you.
There are things that I want to talk about that I don’t aren’t necessarily a good fit for this blog. So I decided that Oh Hey, Nina would be the perfect place for my guest blog post entitled “Pardon Your Manners: First Impressions of Online Dating”. That’s right, I’m a guest blogger pats self on back. I’m pretty excited and would love it if you would take a few minutes to show Nina some love. She’s pretty awesome and her blog is dope as hell.
Oh, and one more thing. If you don’t mind, let me know what you think about my guest blog post. I would really appreciate the feedback.
When you truly love someone, you love ALL of them, flaws included.
Under no circumstances do you get to take all of the good characteristics of an individual and leave the flaws behind. Nor do you love someone and try to mold them into the person you want them to be. That’s not how love works. You are to love that person as they are now, not what they could be over time.
Makes sense right?
Instead of searching for something that doesn’t exist, it would make more sense to look for someone that’s suitable for you. A person who will love and accept all of you, just as you would love and accept all of them. Both of you should bring out the best in one another while challenging each other to be the best version of themselves.
On Season 3, Episode 8 of “Mary Mary”, Teddy informs his sister-in-law Erica that he doesn’t feel a need to hide out of shame because he had multiple affairs. Yes, multiple affairs.
My first thought upon watching that scene was that there isn’t enough prayer and/or scripture in the world to help me see past Teddy’s bullshit. I don’t think that Teddy is truly sorry for the affairs.
Watching him explain to Erica that he wanted to fight for his marriage had me rolling my eyes. There was no sincerity on his face whatsoever. I understand that some people don’t show emotions, but this ain’t the case.
What exactly is Teddy sorry for?
It damn sure isn’t those affairs. I don’t feel that he’s sorry for the multiple affairs he’s had. Case in point, if he was sorry about the affairs he was having, he wouldn’t have had multiple affairs.
It’s not the affairs that Teddy is sorry for. Teddy is sorry that he got caught. More specifically, he’s apologizing because his infidelities have become public knowledge.
An apology means absolutely nothing if it isn’t genuine. A lot of times, someone will apologize solely to save face. Make the other party feel that their apology is sincere when in reality, they don’t give a damn if their actions are hurtful.
What you hear doesn’t necessarily have the same meaning as the sender intended. You hear “I’m sorry for hurting you” when in actuality you’re hearing “I’m sorry for embarrassing you but not sorry for the specific things I did to hurt you.”