Helping pessimists see the bright side of life without losing their "half empty" roots.
Google Voice is a must have for those on Single Island. I give out my Google Voice number to those who want to contact me. It gives me a little bit of control. If I lose interest for whatever reason, I don’t have to worry about someone blowing up my cell phone with a lot of crazy. I can just go to my Google Voice account and have that stalker’s number blocked.
Communication and peace of mind. A definite win for me.
In theory, relationships should be a balanced union between individuals. Keyword: theory.
For some, the scale is oftentimes off balanced as hell. How do you stay in a relationship when someone isn’t doing their share of the work? Doesn’t the burden of carrying that weight start to hurt? Do you start to resent them at some point?
I don’t understand it.
You can’t take bits and pieces that you like about someone and put that into a relationship. It’s not going to work. The entire person is in that relationship with you whether you like it or not. At some point, you won’t be able to ignore the parts about that person that you don’t like. The weight will continue to accumulate on the scale until it can no longer stay suspended in the air.
Yes you’re in a relationship. Does it work? It works for now. The scale is going to break from the weight. It’s either you provide your all or provide nothing. Put it all on the table, good and bad. If that’s too much for you, then you shouldn’t pursue a relationship with anyone. It’s impossible to be someone’s all when you have nothing to provide. Get yourself together so you can be an equal partner.
Some men have either forgotten their manners or were never taught any. Addressing a woman you don’t know by anything other than “Miss”, “Ms.”, or “Ma’am” will get you verbally throat chopped.
Recently, someone left me a message on a dating site I’m subscribed to. Imagine my disgust when I read the following:
“Hey boo.”
My initial reaction was to go off on this moron. Once I calmed down, I realized that this guy has used this line on other women before and at least one of them thought it was cute. Gross.
If bad behaviors are acceptable by the majority, why correct them? While my fault likes in the man who sent me that mess, I also blame women for not correcting these dudes when they step out of line. If you think being called “boo” by a stranger is acceptable, what else will you accept?
Apparently a whole lot.
I’m going on a dating hiatus.
Before you curse me for ruining your day, allow me to explain. I’m stepping back from taking an active role in the dating scene. If I meet someone, great. If I don’t, whatever. The train wrecks I’ve encountered thus far have irritated my spirit to no end. At this point, I don’t have the patience to endure another round of “getting to know you”. I need a break. Don’t worry, I’ll have plenty of tales to bring you from Single Island.
On that note, I’m out!
Responsibility comes with adulthood. For the most part, the majority of adults handle their business. On the other end of the spectrum there are those who refuse to grow up. Similar to Peter Pan, these men are socially immature and devoid of responsibility. Date them at your own risk.
Shit is real on Single Island. With so much to deal with already, who the hell wants to date a man-child? Who deemed that combo sexy?
Why are these men like this?
Allow me to offer my thoughts. The one man-child I encountered had an ex who viewed him as pitiful, resulting in a level of coddling that I find disgusting. Unfortunately in this case, the actions of one woman become a mess for the next one. So much for paying it forward right?
Now that you’ve been informed (or reminded), if recognize Peter Pan-like characteristics in a man, RUN!!!! The only person that can help him with his issues is a licensed professional.
This has been a public service announcement from Single Island.
Last week, I watched the Season 2 premiere of ABC’s “Scandal”. In a heated argument with his wife over her meddling in foreign policy, President Grant said the following with so much anger that it felt like a verbal third degree burn.
“You’re ornamental, not functional.”
It’s harsh, but true. We want to believe that people establish relationships out of a mutual love for one another. While that doesn’t happen, there are those who establish relationships for face value only. I would refer to these relationships as ornamental. I am curious to know how many people are in ornamental relationships and don’t know it. You believe that you’re in this relationship because someone loves and respects you. Are you loved? Are you respected? Material things aren’t symbols of love. As I mentioned in Love Misunderstood, what you have isn’t love. As long as you keep your mouth closed, all is well in your ornamental relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of people who are okay with that arrangement. Person A will do whatever it takes to maintain Person B’s role as silent arm candy, trophy wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend provided Person B knows their role. If it works for them, who are we to judge? Besides, normal has no blueprint.
The end.
Updated January 1, 2015
Fall and Winter are nipping at Summer’s heels and Single Island is buzzing with excitement.
Why?
It’s cuffing pre-season.
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!
For those who are unfamiliar, cuffing season takes place during Fall and Winter. Those who are comfortably single during the warmer months may feel that the weather change puts a cramp in their style. As a result, many people who would usually be free agents find potential boo thangs to snuggle up with.
Like football, cuffing season has a pre-season. I’ve noticed that seasoned veterans are starting the selection process earlier this year. The pre-season allows time for one to check out potential boo thangs while they’re still enjoying the summer breeze. The major season goes by so quick and if one doesn’t plan properly, the ahead of the major season which goes so quick. It’s less pressure in the event that a potential doesn’t mesh, one has time to try again. Oh, and also like football, cuffing season typically ends when Spring is around the corner.
Keep in mind that not everyone participates in cuffing season nor do all cuffing reason relationships end once the flowers bloom. With that said, let the searching begin!!
Online dating. We see the commercials for popular dating websites such as cough Match.com and eHarmony that feature all of these former residents of Single Island that have found love. Their testimonials are so bubbly in hopes that you too will find that special someone according to.
Insert massive eye roll here
Many dating sites guarantee that you’ll meet your perfect match based on some proven system of algorithms, points, interests, etc. My inner pessimist calls that a load of crap. Too often have I logged on to see that I have a high percentage of matches that meet my criteria. Once I read the profiles, I start to question this alleged proven system.
Some of the observations that have me ringing the BS alarm:
1. Photos say a lot without saying anything.
There ‘s a HUGE difference between a photo taken 5 months ago and a photo taken 5 years ago. How can I take you seriously with a photo taken in 1999? At the same time, who do you think you’re going to attract with no photos?
2. If you ask for it, make sure you have it first.
Sure, we want someone who has their own transportation, living situation, job, etc. Don’t have a list of demands that you aren’t able to fulfill yourself. Asking for a mate to have a car and their own living situation while you’re couch surfing and bus hopping is not attractive.
3. Don’t pass judgement.
I see this a lot. Too often, I’ll see a profile that specifically states that they’re only interested in a specific race of men/women. This is not the problem since we all have our personal preference. With that in mind, you don’t need to include a paragraph in your profile disrespecting all other races.
4. “I’m not here for sex but…”
Haha, this is hilarious. I can recall seeing a guy’s profile photos and he was naked in every.single.photo. Then, to cap it off, he had the audacity to say that he wasn’t interested in sex. Could have fooled me sir.
First impressions don’t mean squat for many. I’ve deleted and blocked more profiles than I have responded to. If this is what’s out there, I’ll continue to reside on Single Island. There are other things I care more about, like happy hour and football season.
Yes, football season.
You and I. Best described as friends who subconsciously dip their toes into murky water. When I look back at our history, I laugh. Not as a joke, but in amazement. We’ve come a long way since 7-11 don’t you think? We became pretty good friends, sorta like two magnets in a way. Even when we get caught up in our separate lives, we always manage to find our way back. It’s crazy how we catch up and move right along, never missing a beat.
In the words of the late Amy Winehouse, “you’re my fellow, my guy”. You make me smile on my absolute worst of days. So much is said when we sit in silence. I’m comfortable in this space, but I’m curious. A small part of me wants to know what would happen if both feet were in that water?
Would that makes things weird? Some would argue that titles tend to ruin things. I don’t know about you, but dating for me has been exhausting. While potentials may be great, they’re not you. The easiness that I feel around you isn’t there with them. By no means am I blaming you. I’m holding others to a standard that it’s exactly fair. Am I thinking too much into this? Perhaps. Then again, I don’t want to hold out hope for something that just isn’t destined to happen either.
For now, I’m comfortable being your friend. Murky water optional.
Edited November 23, 21014
