The Complexities of Life – Page 2 – The Recovering Pessimist

The Complexities of Life

Disconnect from Chaos

March 22, 2021
Folks are drawn to chaos like moths to a damn flame. Drama and shenanigans join forces to create this overwhelming emotional wildfire that gets folks going. Tickles their fancies. They thrive off of it.

Chaotic people will drain you of your time and energy. They leave their issues on your doorstep expecting you to solve them. It’s exhausting. I remember telling people that I don’t want to hear about the same issues over and over again because they have no intention of resolving their issues.

Why? Resolving their issues would end the chaos that they love.

You know what else would end the chaos?

Disconnecting yourself from the chaos. This can be done in two ways:
1. Have a conversation with the chaotic person. Let them know that you want them in your life (assuming you want to keep them in your life), but you want NO parts of the madness they thrive off of.
2. Cut the person from your life. I’ve done this after I had the conversation and the person continued to bring their mess to my doorstep. I’m only going to tell you one time. If you do it again, it’s over.
Neither option is easy, but peace of mind is worth it.

Until next time,

Joy
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The “I, I, I…Me, Me, Me” in Relationships

March 15, 2021
Photo by Julius Drost on Unsplash.

What defines a relationship?

For me, two (or more) individuals come together in a relationship while still having individual lives.

Very simple, right?

It should be, buuuutttt…a relationship can be made difficult when it doesn’t have to be. When communicating, everyone in the relationship should consider each other while communicating their wants, needs, and feelings. But when you’re concerned with you and only you, the relationship doesn’t have a fighting chance.

I call this the “I, I, I…Me, Me, Me” mentality. It’ll ruin a relationship before it has a fighting chance.

Relationships are about balance. Without that, you’re riding with a bad alignment. If you don’t get the alignment.

Until next time,

JoyJu
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I feel that sometimes we put too much pressure on relationships.

The focus is on the future so much that the present suffers.

When the present suffers, the future suffers too.

You can do everything you can to sustain the relationship and it will still fail. That doesn’t mean that you’re a failure.

Every relationship isn’t intended for forever status.

Until next time,

Joy
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How I Maintain My Peace of Mind

February 8, 2021
I’ve spent the last half of my 30s cultivating and maintaining my peace of mind. With all of the chaos happening around us (hello panorama, aka pandemic) I have a special appreciation for it.

Maintaining my peace of mind is simple.

So simple that when you find out what it is, you may roll your eyes at me.

Don’t believe me?

Here’s how I maintain my peace of mind:

I mind my business.

I don’t like having my peace disturbed, so if you leave your sh!t, chaos, etc. on my doorstep, I’ll have questions. those questions make your sh!t, chaos, etc. my business. And if you don’t want me to be involved, keep it away from me. Simple as that.

Until next time,

Joy
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My 2020 Wrap Up

January 10, 2021
I spent this year in emotional survival mode. We both know that this has been a hella chaotic year. Couldn’t get through a week without some sort of foolery and/or f*ckery taking place. We may not be able to control what’s happening around us, but we damn sure can control our peace of mind.

I’m not going to drag this out any more than I have to. Here are my 2020 highlights and lessons learned. Enjoy!

Highlights
- Found a landscaper I love!
  - For the 2 years I’ve been in my house, I’ve struggled with finding a landscaper whose fees aligned with the size of my lawn.
- Brought landscape lights I really wanted.
  - Twitter really is the real MVP. Fat Kid Deals shared a link for these solar landscape lights and I had to have them. They’re really bright.
- I brought my 1st pair of Crocs.
  - I’ve never liked Crocs until I spotted these white Crocs with multicolored leopard print. #GoBigOrGoHome
- I drank some yummy beer.
  - My favorite new beers/ciders this year are:
    
    Duclaw Brewing Co. Sour Me Unicorn Farts
    
    Duclaw Brewing Co. Sour Me America
    
    Bryant’s Cider Unicorn Fuel
    
    Steam Bell Beer Works Extra Plenty Margarita Gose
- I gained clarity with my blogging goals.
  - I had the time to write, but I didn’t feel creative. I didn’t beat myself over it, I just continued to observe my surroundings, be present in conversations, and reminded myself that I’ll be creative again.
  - My favorite thing I created this year was the #HomeWithJoy series. It started as an idea to share my home buying journey but blossomed into so many ideas. I look forward to creating more blog posts for this series in 2021.
- I figured out a wind-down routine during the week that I like.
  - I downloaded a coloring app to help me relax after a stressful day at work.
  - I go to bed when my body was ready for bed, not when I wanted to go to bed. I don’t know why I struggled when this is so simple to do, lol!
Lesson Learned
- Do what I can when I can.
  - Yes, I want to get everything done on my to-do list. But there are times when that won’t happen and it’s okay. Allowing myself grace is freeing.
- Don’t get swallowed by the cloud.
  - For me, anxiety and depression are a gloomy cloud. It’s so hard to climb out of the sadness and stress once I give in. Instead, I force myself to see something positive in each day. I’m proud of myself for being able to have fewer cloudy days.
- See people for who and what they are.
  - If you cut the grass, you can see the snakes. Nobody is worth you disturbing your peace over.
- Set boundaries and stand by them even when it hurts.
  - Part of protecting my peace involved creating boundaries and sticking to them. Did it hurt some feelings? Sure. However, how someone feels about my boundaries is not my burden to carry. I have to do what’s best for me, not anyone else.
- Don’t settle
  - What’s the point in settling when I’m going to long for what I really want? If I practice patience, I’ll get what I want in time.
What brought you joy this year? What did you learn?

See ya in 2021,

Joy
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Happy New Year!

Can we talk for a bit? I won’t keep you long. Feel free to pull up a chair. Snacks are optional.

2020 was chaotic as hell. When I just didn’t feel like blogging, journaling, exercising, etc., I didn’t do it. Instead of pushing myself to get things done, I gave myself some much-needed grace. When I was brainstorming my 2021 theme, one word came to mind:

Consistency

I feel good when I’m working on my goals, hobbies, wellness on a regular basis. It gets no simpler than that. To make sure I’m consistent, I created some weekly goals to exercise and journal. I’m also posting new blog posts here every Monday (Wednesdays are for Wisdom Wednesday).

It feels so good to get back to me!

Do you have a theme for 2021? If yes, what is it? What inspired your theme?

Until next time,

Joy
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Folks be out here in the world violating boundaries.

Being loud AND wrong.

Flat out refusing to take responsibility for their words and/or actions.

What tickles me is when they’re told that they’re out of line, they get defensive & oftentimes double down on being loud and wrong.

You don’t get to disrespect people and feel a way when it’s brought to your attention. You just don’t.

If you’re given a chance to make this right, set your foolishness aside and make it right. If you fail to do so, and you continue to stand in your foolishness, You don’t get to pitch a fit because someone enforced their boundaries and don’t want to deal with you.

[tweetshare tweet=”It’s nobody’s responsibility to make you feel better about your choices.” username=”MsWalton”]

When you make your bed, you have to lay in it. You can’t blame those who you violated. Your choices got you here. Get under the covers and get comfortable.

Until next time,

Joy
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Dating the Representative

October 19, 2020
Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

Dating involves the full spectrum of emotion. You’re meeting someone you don’t really know. You’re intrigued by what you see hear, but also fearful because there’s so much you haven’t seen or heard.

I refer to this as “Dating the Representative”.

There’s no guarantee that the person you’re dating is showing their genuine self. There’s nothing wrong with that. We have our guards up. You don’t know what anyone’s intentions are. So, you show the best parts of yourself, including their potential.

Over time, you hope that the representative will eventually reveal their true selves. Be more vulnerable. Share their hopes, their fears. But, this doesn’t always happen. Some representatives are in it for the long game. They make it to marriage and then…then is when their true selves come out.

Here’s the thing.

Enjoy getting to know someone. Have deep conversations. Learn about each other. See things for what they are in the moment, but don’t ignore the signs. Ask questions.

Until next time,

Joy
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September 28, 2020
2020 has been one hell of a year.

I’m stressed, my anxiety is a hot mess, and writing this blog post has been a struggle.

It’s felt like an endless gut punch. Kobe died, COVID-19 hit the streets, and an election year have all weighed on my spirit.

I’ve struggled with my creativity throughout the year. It comes in waves where I don’t want to do anything & waves where I get a rush of ideas at one time.

In between the gut punches, there have been some bright spots.
1. The pandemic sent my job home to telework, something I’ve wanted to do for years.
2. I got my 2021 Passion Planner in the mail & I look forward to using it to not only keep me organized but also a creative outlet.
3. I learned to give myself a lot of grace this year.
4. I made adjustments in my home in anticipation of the upcoming cold weather months.
I don’t expect 2021 to be the start of everything suddenly better. What I do expect to do remain focused while being gentle with myself. That’s all we can do at this point, right?

Until next time,

Joy
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The Aftermath of Being Loud and Wrong

June 29, 2020
Growing up, I was told that not every thought, opinion, or idea I have needs to be shared. I still feel that way, especially with social media making it so easy to share. It’s a platform for them to share what they think/feel, especially when they’re loud and wrong.

I call these folks Megaphone Mary and Mike.

Megaphone Mary and Mike will go online and share thoughts/opinions that don’t make sense. It defies science, history, and common sense. Take the pandemic for example. Below are a few of the things Megaphone Mary and Mike have posted online about COVID-19:
- It’s just the flu.
- Wearing a mask violates my rights.
- It’s a hoax.
While you have every right to share how you feel, others have the same right to comment on what you shared. What tickles me is when folks challenge what’s shared, Megaphone Mary and Mike get reeallll mad.

[tweetshare tweet=”At this point, I think science and/or common sense is to Megaphone Mary and Mike what sunlight is to vampires.” username=”2n$28p1ijG!jkr6qAqbM5JM&XPcH%QfD:1:0″]

Folks aren’t always going to agree on social media. Being exposed to varying viewpoints is a benefit of those platforms. But since Megaphone Mary and Mike don’t like being challenged, I have a solution for that:
- Delete your account
Folks are losing their jobs based on something that was shared online. If I were Megaphone Mary and Mike, I’d think twice before I hit “Share”. I would say to share it in a group chat, but folks are getting fired from that too so yeah. Get a good pen and a nice journal and write it down.

Until next time,

Joy
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