The Recovering Pessimist

Helping pessimists see the bright side of life without losing their "half empty" roots.

Dear #Love, the Icy Fortress is Melting

Feb
22

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, the Icy Fortress is Melting -- I can't prepare to invite love into my life if the fortress remains. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

When it comes to love, I’ve had to retrain myself, if that makes sense. The ice fortress I built years ago to protect myself from heartache is now doing more harm than good. I’m so worried about getting my feelings hurt that I end up missing out on potential mates.

Time to switch this up.

 

Part of working my way back to love involves melting the icy fortress that's protected me for years. Click To Tweet

I’m more aware of my feelings and my actions. I refuse to hold the actions of the past against future potential. It’s not fair to them nor is it fair to me. I carry the lessons from my elders, I’ve made amends with the past, and I’m I see things for what they are instead of what they could be.

When you know better, you do better right?

Until next time,

MsWalton

Dear #Love, My Elders Were Right

Feb
15

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love: My Elders Were Right. -- You're doomed to repeat the mistakes of your past if you don't learn your lesson. #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

My elders always say that you’re doomed to repeat the mistakes of your past if you don’t learn from them.

I made friends with people who only befriended me for what I could do for them.

I dated guys who wanted a body to lay with, not a partner to grow with.

I didn’t correct my friends the moment I realized they were using me. Nor did I drop those guys when I realized they didn’t want what I wanted. Because I didn’t do anything to make things better, the cycle repeated itself until I finally got fed up.

You teach people how you want them to treat you. Click To Tweet

That’s one of the top 10 life lessons I’ve learned. I want to thank my elders for all that you’ve taught me.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

Dear #Love, I’m Sorry

Feb
08

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, I'm Sorry. -- #Love, I'm sorry for blaming you for my mistakes. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection since I’ve entered my 30s. This journey isn’t easy by no means, but it’s necessary. Writing in my journal has helped me work through a lot of my issues. I’ve apologized to a lot of people in those pages, but I have one more apology to make.

#Love, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for blaming you for my mistakes. I'm so sorry for taking advantage of… Click To Tweet

I’m in a good place now and I feel that if you entered my life at this point, I’d welcome you with open arms. You gotta admit, we do work well together.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

 

Dear #Love, Forever Isn’t Guaranteed

Feb
01

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, Forever Isn't Guaranteed -- Lesson Learned. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

I was with my first love from the ages of about 19 to 21-22ish. A mutual friend introduced us and the attraction between us was undeniable. School kept us 100+ miles apart, but technology kept us in touch.

We had met each other’s parents and close friends. I couldn’t go anywhere by myself without someone asking about him. We talked about our future together, which involved marriage and possibly children.

I was in love and it felt warm and tingly. I loved being affectionate towards him in public. Oh, and we were totally that couple that sat on the same side of the booth at restaurants. There were times where we finished each other’s sentences. Whew, I was in deep!

*insert heavy sigh here*

When you get comfortable with the person you’re dating, the real you begins to show. There were things about him that I didn’t like and I’m sure he felt the same way. We’re all flawed and besides, we loved each other and that’s what matters right?

Yeah…not so much.

Over time, the warm and tingly feeling went away. We argued. Looking back on it, my jealousy started a lot of the arguments. Cracks were forming in our relationship. We weren’t the happy couple that we were in the beginning. I was aware of that. What I didn’t realize was that he had emotionally checked out and checked in elsewhere.

I had dreams for us. He was my ONE, my heart, my love. Correction. I thought he was my ONE. I don’t regret the relationship because I was introduced to heartbreak and taught a very valuable lesson:

Forever isn’t guaranteed.

Until next time,

MsWalton

“Dear #Love” Letter Series

Jan
29

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love: A Love Letter Series -- A five-part series on my feelings about #Love. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistI’ve been brainstorming ideas for February’s theme. Last year, I wrote a series entitled #Love: A Musical Retrospective. This year, I didn’t want to do something as grand, but I wanted it to be just as personal.

So, I decided to write “Dear #Love” Letters. It’s comprised of five letters from myself to #Love covering a range of topics based on personal experience. It’s my way of healing old wounds and opening myself up to experiences that I have avoided.

Enjoy!

Caution: We’re All Works in Progress

Feb
02

Allow me to set the scene. The Recovering Pessimist:- Caution: We're All Works in ProgressYou’re out and about when s someone catches your eye. Nerves are brushed aside as the two of you have a brief conversation. Phone numbers (and possibly social media handles) are exchanged. Hours are spent texting, calling, emailing, and/or posting social media updates. You really, really like this person.

In theory, this sounds great. Seriously, who doesn’t want to find that person that tickles your fancy? I honestly can’t think of anyone that doesn’t. However, like some theories, there’s a problem with the execution. In this case, said problem began weeks ago.

The person that you’re attracted to is working towards accomplishing something (entrepreneur, college graduate, etc). But you don’t see them for the person they are now. Instead, you’re attracted to the person that they’re trying to become.

I’ve seen this happen too many times. People will get with folks for the end goal, whatever that may be. They’ll stay around provided that the person of interest becomes the person their working towards. In the even that said person of interest doesn’t become that person, suddenly he/she isn’t as attractive as they once were.

We’re all works in progress, every last one of us, including you. Solely seeing someone for their potential won’t end well, I promise you.

 

Updated March 6, 2015

Flawed Perfection

Jul
28

Image via thedailyquotes.com

When you truly love someone, you love ALL of them, flaws included.

Under no circumstances do you get to take all of the good characteristics of an individual and leave the flaws behind. Nor do you love someone and try to mold them into the person you want them to be. That’s not how love works. You are to love that person as they are now, not what they could be over time.

Makes sense right?

Instead of searching for something that doesn’t exist, it would make more sense to look for someone that’s suitable for you. A person who will love and accept all of you, just as you would love and accept all of them. Both of you should bring out the best in one another while challenging each other to be the best version of themselves.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how love works.

Public Service Announcement: The Basement Acquaintance

Jun
09

For the last couple of days, I’ve had this clip from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air stuck in my head:

I have no idea why I’ve been singing that song, however, singing that song made something click. People have these moments all the time. You meet someone that looks and/or acts one way. You invest feelings and time with this person and see a possible relationship/friendship developing.

Cue the okey doke.

What you initially thought about that person starts to blur. Perhaps the physical thing(s) that drew you in was only temporary.  That car may have been a rental or that big booty was a pair of butt pads. Or the behaviors that you thought were so redeeming were indeed a lie. Weekly volunteer work at the homeless shelter was not voluntary. In fact, it was part of their probation.

When the truth is revealed about the basement acquaintance, I’m sure you’ll be pissed. However, you can always watch the clip above and laugh the anger away.

“I’m stuck in a basement, sitting on a tricycle…”

 

 

 

Sorry (Not Sorry)

Apr
28

 

Image via quotesvalley.com

On Season 3, Episode 8 of “Mary Mary”, Teddy informs his sister-in-law Erica that he doesn’t feel a need to hide out of shame because he had multiple affairs. Yes, multiple affairs.

My first thought upon watching that scene was that there isn’t enough prayer and/or scripture in the world to help me see past Teddy’s bullshit. I don’t think that Teddy is truly sorry for the affairs.

Watching him explain to Erica that he wanted to fight for his marriage had me rolling my eyes. There was no sincerity on his face whatsoever. I understand that some people don’t show emotions, but this ain’t the case.

What exactly is Teddy sorry for?

It damn sure isn’t those affairs. I don’t feel that he’s sorry for the multiple affairs he’s had. Case in point, if he was sorry about the affairs he was having, he wouldn’t have had multiple affairs.

It’s not the affairs that Teddy is sorry for. Teddy is sorry that he got caught. More specifically, he’s apologizing because his infidelities have become public knowledge.

An apology means absolutely nothing if it isn’t genuine. A lot of times, someone will apologize solely to save face. Make the other party feel that their apology is sincere when in reality, they don’t give a damn if their actions are hurtful.

What you hear doesn’t necessarily have the same meaning as the sender intended. You hear “I’m sorry for hurting you” when in actuality you’re hearing “I’m sorry for embarrassing you but not sorry for the specific things I did to hurt you.”

It takes two to care, remember?

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

Updated August 16 ,2016

It Takes Two to Care

Apr
21

Image via Pinterest.

Relationships involve a lot of give and take. You can’t expect everything to work out all the time without having to give up something to get something in return. That would be delusional.

If relationships are supposed to be 50/50, what happens in the event the scale is tipped?

Disagreements happen in relationships. It’s not going to be roses and sunshine all the time. That’s okay. On the other hand, some disagreements can be so bad, cracks form in the foundation you’ve worked so hard to build. In that moment you have two options:

  1. Call it quits.

OR

2. Fight for the relationship.

Decisions, decisions.

If the disagreement involves something that goes against your values , quitting is a viable option. Don’t stay in a relationship that you aren’t going to be happy with. Know when enough is enough.

If the foundation is worth repairing, by all means, fight for the relationship. Do what needs to be done to fix things. But there’s a catch. Both parties have to care about the relationship enough to fight for it. You cannot, I repeat, you cannot fight for something you don’t care about.

It takes one to tip the scale and two to care enough to balance it out.

 

 

 

 

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