• The Complexities of Life

    #Love Past the Argument

    We loved hard.

    When we argued, it felt like our mission was to hurt the other. We never stayed mad at each other long, maybe two or three days.

    This wasn’t a petty argument.

    His words were hurtful. Each syllable felt like rubbing alcohol being rubbed onto an open wound.

    I loved him too much to stoop to his level. He needed to know what happens when you hurt someone you love.

    His phone calls and text messages  were ignored for for days.

    Three weeks passed before I finally decided to listen to his voicemail. Lots of begging and apologizing. On the last voicemail, he says he’s going to let the song speak for him.

    The fear of losing that person that you love the most puts everything into perspective. Brings it all back to what really matters in life.

  • The Complexities of Life

    Fall in #Love with Me

    I was so reluctant. My last relationship left me broken and skeptical. While I knew that you were special, I needed time to get reacquainted with myself. He understood, promising that he would be patiently waiting.

    Yeah, okay.

    We occasionally met up for dinner. You had a way of subtly letting me know that falling in love wasn’t a bad thing.

    Love isn’t supposed to hurt.

    Finally I gave in and I’m forever grateful that I did.

  • The Complexities of Life

    Love #Love

    My first serious relationship. We were SO into each other. Perhaps it was young (dumb) love, but I really felt like we could be forever.  One day, he made me this mixtape CD. While there were a lot of songs that musically spoke for him, one song in particular stood out.

    When I first heard this song, I was stunned. I knew he cared about me, but I had no idea his feelings were so strong. Actually, I don’t think either of us knew this relationship was going to get this deep. You date someone, knowing that it probably won’t last, then find yourself in love.

    It happens.

    Don’t worry about the end.

    Love #Love.

  • The Complexities of Life

    Let Me #Love You

    He confided in me.

    Things weren’t going well. She didn’t appreciate the little things he did for her. Bouquets of flowers being randomly delivered to her job and the hair/nail appointments paid in advance. All he wanted was a simple “thank you”. Not too much to ask.

    It never happened.

    Feeling unappreciated, the flower deliveries started to wane. There was pain in his eyes when he realized he was no longer in love with her. It killed me to see such a good man go through this. It took everything in me not to grab him by the arms and yell, “I’m right here! I’ll never take you for granted. Let me love you.”

    Those words were never spoken aloud. I spent years wondering what could have been. What if he gave me that chance to love him the way he deserved.

    What if?

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    Friends Surrender to #Love

    Imagine being friends with someone for years. The two of you are extremely close. Those around you swear that there’s more to the friendship because you both are so in tune with one another.

    The lines become blurred. You don’t see each other the same way anymore. Can’t really pinpoint when and why this is happening but you know something is pulling you both in.

    It is in this moment that you realize that you’ve fallen in love.

    So many thoughts.

    What if he/she doesn’t feel the same way? But what if he/she feels the same? Where do we go from here? Can we go back to being just friends? Is it worth possibly losing a friend if this doesn’t work out?

    Despite the uncertainty, your conscious wants you to do one thing: Surrender.

     

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    #Love: A Musical Retrospective

    When I decided to do a writing challenge for February, I didn’t want to do the expected. February is synonymous with love. Like other retail holidays, stores are abundant with the red and pink packaging of goods. The card aisle  is abundant with “I love you” decorated in glittery hearts.

    I know I’m not in the minority when I say that all of this is sickening.

    Love isn’t all happiness and good times. Yes, that’s great but it’s so much more.  It’s dark. It’s painfully regretful. It’s an open wound. This is what I wanted to focus on. The beautifully dark aspect of love. Once I decided on that, I felt the need to deliver the message in a unique way.

    This is where music comes into play.

    For the month of February, all posts  (with the exception of Wisdom Wednesdays), will consist of memories from my romantic life and a corresponding love song.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Love: A Musical Retrospective. Enjoy!

  • The Complexities of Life

    Everyone Isn’t Going to be Your Cup o’ Tea

    The inspiration for this post is two-fold. First, a good friend of mine has a crush on this guy. Everyone  in our social circle got the memo with the exception of the guy in question. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. He could really be oblivious to how she feels about him (which I low key doubt) or he could be awkward when it comes to women (which is most likely the case).

    Weeks of getting him to open up went by.  Progress would be made, but she couldn’t penetrate that wall he installed. At this point, she’s annoyed and on the cusp of being over it.  Honestly, I can’t blame her. At some point you get tired of putting forth all this effort for little to nothing in return.

    Remember when I said that this post was two-fold? Here’s the second part.

    While browsing through my YouTube subscriptions, I ran across the below video from Qaadir Howard. Everyone isn’t going to be your cup o’ tea, no matter how awesome your personality may be…and that’s perfectly fine.  Check out the video and leave a reply with your thoughts.

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships,  The Complexities of Life

    Falling in Love: Beautifully Complicated

    An uncontrollable battle of logic over emotion.

    A soundtrack of compressed memories.

    Goofy smiles and flutters in your stomach.

    Constant worry of the unknown.

    Do they feel the same?

    What if they like me too?

    What if they reject me?

    Oh shit, what if they reject me?

    All of the unknown leaves you eerily cautious.

    There’s a beauty in all of these 

    complicated aspects.

    Falling in love

    Beautifully complicated.

    -MsWalton

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 20-What a Tangled Web She Weaves

    That was awkward. Susan’s mother rushes past me and didn’t say a word. It’s not like she says much to me to begin with and her disdain for me is clearly evident. I dim the lights in the room and pull the chair next to Susan. It’s been a week and she’s slept uninterrupted every night since she got here.

    As I admire Susan’s peacefulness, my phone starts vibrating. It’s a text from Yelena.

    Paying Nick off keeps him silent. There’s nothing stopping me from telling your secrets…unless you have $100,000 to keep me quiet.

    The next few minutes are spent in a coughing fit. I’ve been fighting whatever this is for the past three weeks. Breathing hurts like hell. I make a note in my phone to schedule a doctor’s appointment in the morning before responding back to Yelena.

    You just don’t know when to quit, do you.

    About fifteen seconds pass before she strikes back.

    I told you years ago to never, ever cross me. I forgave you for dumping me for Susan. Now you’re paying Nick to hold your secret. Don’t push me over the ledge bitch.

    I didn’t respond back. When Yelena tells you she’s going to do something, best believe it will be done. Paying her off isn’t enough. She won’t rest until Susan is out of the picture. Enough of this bitch, I need to sleep. Drifting in and out of sleep for hours I find myself repeating the same dream. Frustrated from lack of continuous sleep, I grab a pen and paper to jot down some notes on my dream.

    Tangled in a web. Yelena=spider. Susan dead…cause unknown.

  • Story Time

    #XD30-Chapter 19-This is a Warning

    “The baby is okay. You had a ruptured ovarian cyst.”

    That voice sounds familiar. Struggling to open my eyes, I can faintly make out my surroundings: hospital room, oxygen tube in my nose, and the the faint smell of vanilla mint. My mother is here. Geez, my mouth is dry. I signal for some water.

    “Here you go honey,” she coos, adjusting the bed position so I’m sitting up.

    Savoring the water, I wait for the coolness to hydrate my mouth.

    “Thank you. It’s nice to see you, but why are you here?”

    Never at a loss for words, my mother sits on the end of my bed. Dressed in a mint green caftan and gladiator sandals, she’s so zen. It’s disgusting, yet perfect for a humanistic psychologist.

    “Ashley called me. Told me that you’re having dreams about miscarrying, Yelena, and blood. I believe Karma, working through your subconscious, is trying to tell you something.”

    I roll my eyes.

    “Exactly what would Karma and my subconscious be trying to tell me?”

    I low key know the answer to this question already. My mother must have sensed it.

    “Have you and Ashley sat down and thought of the ramifications of your actions? What you both have done has affected more people than you think. Then, instead of facing the situation head on, the two of you disappear. Let me tell you something, you can run all you want to, but Karma will always find you. Let that marinate.”

    I open my mouth to speak, but my mother motions for me to remain silent.

    “This medical episode that you had is no coincidence. You and Ashley will continue to be plagued with issues until you make things right.”

    Thankfully, the nurse enters the room to give me another round of meds. I watch the liquid flow through the IV as I wait to drift into the clouds. My mother gathers her bag, kisses me on the cheek ,and heads towards the door.

    “This isn’t over Susan. It would be in your best interest to listen to me,” she warns, brushing past Ashley on her way out.

    Eyelids heavy, I drift off to sleep. Finally, some peace.