I’ve sacrified so many of my wants and needs to focus on the wants and needs of others. I’ve done it my whole life. Putting myself first is a constant struggle.
That changes now.
By putting others first, I’m holding myself back by creating multiple delays on my journey to success. My altruistic ways negatively affected my health and that was my wake up call. I couldn’t continue to put myself last.
My wants and needs come first. I cannot be of help to others if I’m not my best self.
We were friends that spent years denying the underlying feelings between the two of us. Finally, after much consideration, we decided to go for it.
Embarking on this unfamiliar journey with him riddled me with anxiety. In theory, things could go splendidly and we’d live happily ever after. On the other hand, reality reminds me that there’s a 50% chance that we could crash and burn. Not to mention that once the relationship ended, the friendship could very well end too.
Our relationship endured some really tough times. Over time, I began to see him more as my friend than my lover. I couldn’t suppress how I felt about him any longer. He needed to know.
We’re better as friends than lovers.
He fought so hard for the relationship. Promised that we could make this work. It was too late, my heart had already checked out. In the end, the relationship doesn’t matter if the friendship suffers.
How can you expect me to be friends with you when I’m still in love with you?
I need to distance myself from you, including your family and friends. This is going to hurt us both but please understand that this has to happen.
There’s no doubt that I’ll always love you. I can’t just be your friend.
Imagine being friends with someone for years. The two of you are extremely close. Those around you swear that there’s more to the friendship because you both are so in tune with one another.
The lines become blurred. You don’t see each other the same way anymore. Can’t really pinpoint when and why this is happening but you know something is pulling you both in.
It is in this moment that you realize that you’ve fallen in love.
So many thoughts.
What if he/she doesn’t feel the same way? But what if he/she feels the same? Where do we go from here? Can we go back to being just friends? Is it worth possibly losing a friend if this doesn’t work out?
Despite the uncertainty, your conscious wants you to do one thing: Surrender.
Recently, I was going through some old photos. Forgotten memories shared with people I no longer have friendships with. As I reflected on how the demise of our friendships occurred, I was reminded of something my mother constantly stressed to me when I was younger:
You ARE the company that you keep.
I met a group of women through a coworker I had befriended. We were all in constant contact with one another via text, phone calls, emails, social media, etc. We had a lot of fun together. Eventually, I grew tired of going out 3-4 times a week. I wanted to go back to school and in order for me to do that, partying would have to cease.
They didn’t like that decision. Instead of being supportive, they couldn’t understand why I couldn’t go to school and party with them on weekends. I explained to them that school isn’t just on the weekdays. School was going to be my top priority and if they don’t like it, tough shit.
The photos reminded me of how over-saturated our friendship was. Way too much of a good thing. I miss them at times. We’ve matured and moved on with our lives.
Take a minute to analyze the people in your life. If the people in your life bring you support and positivity, great. No really, great. If you find that there are people in your life who provide nothing but bad karma, give ’em the boot.
They’re no good for you.
I don’t believe in avoiding issues that are clearly bothering my spirit. Avoiding it leads to an unnecessary physical and mental burden. It’s so much easier to just deal with it head on.
Build the bridge and just get over it.
People are quick to proclaim that they are “over it”. They practically sing it to the world. In the instances where the issue is brought up in general conversation, all hell breaks loose.
For example, a bad breakup takes place. You tell your circle that you’re over the relationship. Your circle is having a random conversation about relationships and someone recalls a funny story about you and your ex.
The story’s intent wasn’t malicious. It was part of the topic of conversation at that time. You beg to differ and verbally decapitate the storyteller.
Didn’t you just send out a verbal press release that you had gotten over that bridge?
I guess the bridge is pending construction.
Falling in love with a friend. A blessing and a curse. It’s awesome that you’ve fallen in love with someone who “gets” you. Being friends before lovers is a definite must as far as relationships are concerned.
Before you decide to step into the murky waters of the unknown, there’s so much to consider. Do they feel the same way? If they don’t feel the same way, will things be weird between you? What if they feel the same way and the relationship doesn’t work out? Can you remain friends? Do you even want to risk your friendship? So many emotions.
This song sums it up perfectly. Enjoy!
Do you remain friends with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends after you break up?
Hells no!! It’s better for me to just exile exes from my life. Perhaps in the future we could be friends but at the time of this post, I have yet to speak to any of my exes. No bad blood at this point; we just moved on.
That’s life right?
You got my back and I got yours. A quiet understanding amongst ladies who met over a decade ago in fifth grade. I cannot remember the first time we met, but since that day, we’ve been tight like spandex. These two ladies are my crew, my sisters from other ma’ams and misters, and in case you haven’t caught on, a large part of my life.
We’ve matured into awesome women with our inner children still intact. Major life events occurred and we’ve been there, oftentimes as quiet support. Just to let the other know that we’re here. insert b-boy stance here That’s what we do, yo, haha!
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you both for being in my corner. Always telling the truth even when it hurt like a stab wound to hear it. Now before I get all teary eyed and whatever, let me finish by saying something so simple yet so profound.
You and I. Best described as friends who subconsciously dip their toes into murky water. When I look back at our history, I laugh. Not as a joke, but in amazement. We’ve come a long way since 7-11 don’t you think? We became pretty good friends, sorta like two magnets in a way. Even when we get caught up in our separate lives, we always manage to find our way back. It’s crazy how we catch up and move right along, never missing a beat.
In the words of the late Amy Winehouse, “you’re my fellow, my guy”. You make me smile on my absolute worst of days. So much is said when we sit in silence. I’m comfortable in this space, but I’m curious. A small part of me wants to know what would happen if both feet were in that water?
Would that makes things weird? Some would argue that titles tend to ruin things. I don’t know about you, but dating for me has been exhausting. While potentials may be great, they’re not you. The easiness that I feel around you isn’t there with them. By no means am I blaming you. I’m holding others to a standard that it’s exactly fair. Am I thinking too much into this? Perhaps. Then again, I don’t want to hold out hope for something that just isn’t destined to happen either.
For now, I’m comfortable being your friend. Murky water optional.
Edited November 23, 21014