The Recovering Pessimist

Helping pessimists see the bright side of life without losing their "half empty" roots.

Caution: We’re All Works in Progress

Feb
02

Allow me to set the scene. The Recovering Pessimist:- Caution: We're All Works in ProgressYou’re out and about when s someone catches your eye. Nerves are brushed aside as the two of you have a brief conversation. Phone numbers (and possibly social media handles) are exchanged. Hours are spent texting, calling, emailing, and/or posting social media updates. You really, really like this person.

In theory, this sounds great. Seriously, who doesn’t want to find that person that tickles your fancy? I honestly can’t think of anyone that doesn’t. However, like some theories, there’s a problem with the execution. In this case, said problem began weeks ago.

The person that you’re attracted to is working towards accomplishing something (entrepreneur, college graduate, etc). But you don’t see them for the person they are now. Instead, you’re attracted to the person that they’re trying to become.

I’ve seen this happen too many times. People will get with folks for the end goal, whatever that may be. They’ll stay around provided that the person of interest becomes the person their working towards. In the even that said person of interest doesn’t become that person, suddenly he/she isn’t as attractive as they once were.

We’re all works in progress, every last one of us, including you. Solely seeing someone for their potential won’t end well, I promise you.

 

Updated March 6, 2015

I’m Featured on “Oh Hey, Nina”

Jul
28

Hi!

There are things that I want to talk about that I don’t aren’t necessarily a good fit for this blog. So I decided that  Oh Hey, Nina would be the perfect place for my guest blog post entitled “Pardon Your Manners: First Impressions of Online Dating”. That’s right, I’m a guest blogger pats self on back. I’m pretty excited and would love it if you would take a few minutes to show Nina some love. She’s pretty awesome and her blog is dope as hell.

Oh, and one more thing. If you don’t mind, let me know what you think about my guest blog post. I would really appreciate the feedback.

Thanks!

 

Updated March 5, 2015

Public Service Announcement: The Basement Acquaintance

Jun
09

For the last couple of days, I’ve had this clip from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air stuck in my head:

I have no idea why I’ve been singing that song, however, singing that song made something click. People have these moments all the time. You meet someone that looks and/or acts one way. You invest feelings and time with this person and see a possible relationship/friendship developing.

Cue the okey doke.

What you initially thought about that person starts to blur. Perhaps the physical thing(s) that drew you in was only temporary.  That car may have been a rental or that big booty was a pair of butt pads. Or the behaviors that you thought were so redeeming were indeed a lie. Weekly volunteer work at the homeless shelter was not voluntary. In fact, it was part of their probation.

When the truth is revealed about the basement acquaintance, I’m sure you’ll be pissed. However, you can always watch the clip above and laugh the anger away.

“I’m stuck in a basement, sitting on a tricycle…”

 

 

 

All I Can Be Is Me

Mar
18

Image via Pinterest.

When I was a teenager, I wanted to be part of the popular crowd. I wanted to walk down the hallways and everyone knew my name.

Attempts to align myself with them were futile. They rejected me every time. Looking back, I’m grateful for that rejection because I realize why they were so popular.

Tarnished reputation avoided.

Online dating had its fair share of rejection. So many of my “I’m interested” messages were either ignored or responded with “No thanks.” Talk about a blow to the self-esteem.

Experiencing rejection helped me realize that I’m good enough. That’s the boost my self-confidence needed.

 

Relationship Accreditation

Jan
27

How awesome would it be if relationships were accredited?

Colleges and universities are accredited by multiple organizations. Multiple factors are involved in order for the institution to maintain its accreditation (e.g., reputation of faculty, quality of education, objectives and/or goals, etc).

In relationships, individuals would be given an accreditation rating ranging from 1 (awful) to 5 (awesome) based on various factors (e.g., stability, past relationship behavior, drive, etc).

To calculate the relationship accreditation, add up the individual ratings and take the average of the sum.  For example,  if a 4 entered a relationship with a 5, their sum would be a 9, which would make the relationship accreditation a 4.5.  What’s great about knowing someone’s individual accreditation is that you would know ahead of time that you could be dealing with potential awesomeness (or a nightmare).

Talk about potential peace in the valley.

Public Service Announcement: Pic Beggars

Jan
06

Image via www.huffpost.com

Pic Beggar (n): An individual who aggressively asks another individual for pictures. Most often seen on online dating websites.

There were several instances when a guy would send me a message asking me to send him a photo of myself via text message. Keep in mind that we’ve only known each other for 15 minutes. That’s not even long enough for me to warrant giving out my Google Voice number. 

I would respond back, telling him that I have x amount of recent photos on my profile and will not be texting him anything. Of course, that doesn’t go over well. He gets upset and proceeds to beg.

Begging is not attractive as it is. Begging for a damn photo is annoyingly desperate and every bit of creepy. Besides, most of the time, these guys would either have one photo of themselves or several outdated photos of themselves. Stop begging and take some recent photos of yourself. I don’t take anyone seriously with photos from the late 90s early 2000s on their profiles.

Never entertain pic beggars! If they’re annoying you now, just imagine how annoying they will be if you date them.

This concludes your Public Service Announcement.

Desperation: The Itchy Side of Love

May
27

Desperation

Public Service Announcement: The Red Lobster Date

Jan
02
Red Lobster Detour

Red Lobster Detour (Photo credit: voteprime)

The restaurant you choose to take a date says a lot. Yes, I do realize that it comes off as vain, but that’s how it is. Take Red Lobster for example. I don’t (and probably will never) understand what’s so charming about this place.  I’ve had better seafood at a backyard cookout.

I remember planning a first date with a guy I was interested in. He asked me where I wanted to go. I didn’t have a particular place in mind, so I named a few places that I didn’t want to go. As soon as I mentioned Red Lobster, ol’ boy got in his feelings.  You would have thought I  told him his mother’s cooking was nasty.

I explained to him that I consider Red Lobster to be the McNightmare of seafood. What would have been spent on mediocre food could be put to better use elsewhere. There are much better options that are well worth the price. He didn’t want to hear it. That was the last time I spoke to him. Guess I struck a nerve. Oh well.

Instead of getting all emo because somebody doesn’t like your fave, why not try something new? Do us all a favor and get some culture in your life.  Endless shrimp are not the blueprint for fine dining.

Thankful: Google Voice #XD31

Dec
26

Google Voice is a must have for those on Single Island.  I give out my Google Voice number to those who want to contact me. It gives me a little bit of control. If I lose interest for whatever reason, I don’t have to worry about someone blowing up my cell phone with a lot of crazy. I can just go to my Google Voice account and have that stalker’s number blocked.

Communication and peace of mind. A definite win for me.

All or Really Nothing

Oct
29

In theory, relationships should be a balanced union between individuals. Keyword: theory.

For some, the scale is oftentimes off balanced as hell. How do you stay in a relationship when someone isn’t doing their share of the work? Doesn’t the burden of carrying that weight start to hurt? Do you start to resent them at some point?

I don’t understand it.

You can’t take bits and pieces that you like about someone and put that into a relationship. It’s not going to work. The entire person is in that relationship with you whether you like it or not. At some point, you won’t be able to ignore the parts about that person that you don’t like. The weight will continue to accumulate on the scale until it can no longer stay suspended in the air.

Yes you’re in a relationship. Does it work? It works for now. The scale is going to break from the weight. It’s either you provide your all or provide nothing. Put it all on the table, good and bad. If that’s too much for you, then you shouldn’t pursue a relationship with anyone. It’s impossible to be someone’s all when you have nothing to provide. Get yourself together so you can be an equal partner.

 

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