I got the idea for this blog post from a conversation I had with some family members some time ago. They ask the same questions all the time and I’m sure they mean well when they ask, but bruh, you don’t have to ask me:
When are you getting married?
When are you going to have some kids?
For the record, I have no desire to get married and I never wanted children. Both of those decisions are perfectly fine. However, people legit act like you spit in their eyes with ghost pepper hot sauce.
Seriously, why do YOU feel disrespected?
I often wonder if people feel a way about your life choices because they have regrets. Maybe they wanted to make the moves you’re making but they fell victim to society’s expectations. Regardless of their reasons, you don’t owe them a “why” for the decisions you make. In all honesty, they can kiss your ass, but I digress.
You aren’t going to go through life with everything that you need. At some point, you’re going to have to ask for something. That’s normal. However, when you ask for something, regardless of what it is, be specific.
Did ya’ll catch that up there in the nosebleed section? No? Don’t worry, I’ll repeat it.
When you ask for something, regardless of what it is, be specific.
I cannot stress this enough. If you want a new job with more money, ask for a job with more money. If you just ask for a new job, that’s what you’ll get…a new job with the same money you make now.
For example, if you want a new job with more money, ask for a job with more money. If you just ask for a new job, that’s what you’ll get…a new job with the same money you make now. Or, if you ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend, don’t be shocked with you end up with an asshole. You didn’t ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend that treated you like royalty.
Or, if you ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend, don’t be shocked with you end up with an asshole. You didn’t ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend that treated you like royalty.
[bctt tweet=”You get exactly what you ask for (or don’t ask for) in life. Be wise with how you word your request. ” username=”MsWalton”]
I appreciate Fall for so many reasons (see here and here). It’s a reprieve from the outrageous heat of the Summer. I get to wrap this body in layers of warmth and eat all the soup/stew/chili recipes I have saved on Pinterest. However, it’s also the time of year where people seek potential companions to snuggle up with. Within the pool of potential companions are strays.
What is a stray?
A stray is a man or woman who has nothing but seeks someone who has what they don’t have. They provide little to nothing in return.
I took in a stray once. He had a full-time job, lived with his brother, and “circumstances” prevented him from owning a vehicle (feel free to read between the lines there). Did I mention that he had a set of twins plus another child that were only months apart in age (yes, you read that right)?
That’s a lot, but it wasn’t enough for me to walk away. Keep reading.
In the beginning, I didn’t mind doing the driving. I would pick him up from work and take him to either his brother’s place or mine.
[bctt tweet=”When the newness of love wears off, you see people and things for who and what they truly are.” username=”MsWalton”]
In his case, it was his financial situation that tipped the scales for me. He tended to spend his money on wants, not needs. This particular evening I picked him up from work. He got in the car and didn’t say much most of the ride. After some prodding, he tells me that he lost his part of the rent money on a game he gambled on.
I was livid for all the reasons. He then said that when he told his brother about the loss, his brother put him out. There’s this awkward silence in the car, that’s broken when he asked me if he could stay with me until he got himself together.
I told him I would think about it. I dropped him off at his mother’s and went home. Realizing that his situation was quickly becoming MY situation, I packed up the little belongings he had at my apartment and took them to his mother’s house later that night. I dropped that duffel bag on her front step with a note telling him that I didn’t want to continue our relationship and that he didn’t need to contact me…ever. That was almost a decade ago and so far, I haven’t heard from him.
I’m sharing this moment of my life because I want you to pay attention. Allow yourself to see what’s being presented to you in that moment and act accordingly. Falling for potential can get you wrapped up in some bullsh!t, trust me.
There’s something about waking up each day to a “Good morning” text message from someone you like/love. It makes me smile and (briefly) warms the frigid borders of my heart. Gives me all the feels. Puts a little pep in my step.
However, there’s a catch to the “Good morning” text, and it’s rooted in motive. When sending a “Good morning” text, two questions should come to mind:
Am I sending the text because I care?
Am I sending the text because I feel that I’m obligated to do so?
Once you work out the motive, you move to the second phases: the follow-through. Once you send the “Good morning” text, make sure to do the following:
Ask him/her how he/she is doing.
Tell him/her to have a good day/evening/night.
[bctt tweet=”If you care about someone, it should show in your actions. ” username=”MsWalton”]
Also, when someone shows you who they are…even if it’s in a text message, believe them. If they don’t care enough to make text messages count, do you really want to invest more time and/or energy to get to know this person?
There are rules in life that are expected to be broken and there are rules in life that under no circumstances are to be broken. The biggest one being do not insert yourself where you aren’t wanted.
Did ya’ll catch that up there in the rafters?
I’ll repeat it.
[bctt tweet=”Don’t insert yourself where you aren’t wanted.”]
People have a habit of inserting themselves where they aren’t wanted. Sometimes, they don’t realize they are doing it. But there are those who are habitual offenders and don’t care that you didn’t ask for their thoughts, opinions, ideas, and so on.
You get fed up with their antics and you may or may not be considering how to approach them. Just let your spirit speak for you. Stay with me on this. You need to meet the offender(s) in person. Turn to him/her, cock your head to the side, and with all the attitude you can muster say the following:
WHO ASKED YOU?!?!?!
Observe their reaction. If they react like hot grease from the stove popping them on the arm, your words got to them. Pat yourself on the back. It’s been my experience that some folk can definitely dish it, but cannot take it when it’s thrown back at them.
Welcome to clapback season. Don’t allow people to give you their two cents when you didn’t ask for it. Put your foot down and let them know you aren’t about to put up with their shenanigans.
It’s a new year. In with the confidence, out with the bullshit.
Recently, I observed a conversation between two men. Whatever they were talking about appeared to be interesting. They were talking with their hands and laughing quite a bit. They kind of made me wish I was a bit closer so I could eavesdrop (I know I’m not the only one that does that).
In the midst of their conversation, the woman behind them decided to insert herself into the conversation.
I kid you not, Nosey Nadine turned her dirty neck around (yes, her neck was dirty) and started talking. Clearly puzzled, the two men just stared at each other. After a brief pause one of the men informed Nosey Nadine that nobody asked her for her two cents.
I’m flabbergasted. You insert YOURSELF into MY conversation, then have the audacity to get upset when I tell you to mind your business?? If you have the time to butt into my business, I hope your business is in order. The time and energy you spend being nosey is time and energy you could devote to your own life.
Everyone has something to say about everything. insert deep sigh here What’s funny about opinions is that half of the time, people will offer their opinions without you asking for them. It’s beyond annoying.
Asking someone for their opinion to make sure your thought process is on track is one thing. I do that all the time to make sure I’m not operating on emotion only. What I don’t want to do is to take those opinions and make them my decision. Rarely does that go well.
[bctt tweet=”We are all entitled to our opinions. But understand that an opinion is just that…an opinion.”]
For the last couple of days, I’ve had this clip from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air stuck in my head:
I have no idea why I’ve been singing that song, however, singing that song made something click. People have these moments all the time. You meet someone that looks and/or acts one way. You invest feelings and time with this person and see a possible relationship/friendship developing.
Cue the okey doke.
What you initially thought about that person starts to blur. Perhaps the physical thing(s) that drew you in was only temporary. That car may have been a rental or that big booty was a pair of butt pads. Or the behaviors that you thought were so redeeming were indeed a lie. Weekly volunteer work at the homeless shelter was not voluntary. In fact, it was part of their probation.
When the truth is revealed about the basement acquaintance, I’m sure you’ll be pissed. However, you can always watch the clip above and laugh the anger away.
Pic Beggar (n): An individual who aggressively asks another individual for pictures. Most often seen on online dating websites.
There were several instances when a guy would send me a message asking me to send him a photo of myself via text message. Keep in mind that we’ve only known each other for 15 minutes. That’s not even long enough for me to warrant giving out my Google Voice number.
I would respond back, telling him that I have x amount of recent photos on my profile and will not be texting him anything. Of course, that doesn’t go over well. He gets upset and proceeds to beg.
Begging is not attractive as it is. Begging for a damn photo is annoyingly desperate and every bit of creepy. Besides, most of the time, these guys would either have one photo of themselves or several outdated photos of themselves. Stop begging and take some recent photos of yourself. I don’t take anyone seriously with photos from the late 90s early 2000s on their profiles.
Never entertain pic beggars! If they’re annoying you now, just imagine how annoying they will be if you date them.