The Recovering Pessimist

Helping pessimists see the bright side of life without losing their "half empty" roots.

Support System #Thankful2017

Nov
13

 

The Recovering Pessimist: Support System #Thankful2017 -- What I learned about my support system is that it's about quality, not quantity. What's the point in having 10 people in your support system if only 2-3 are always there for you? | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

I understood the importance of having a support system long ago. I needed people around me who had my best interest in mind, even if their honesty was brutal. This year, I learned another lesson about my support system:

A successful support system is about quality, not quantity.

I had a small support system of 5-6 people initially. When I reached out those 5-6 people, only 2-3 would always show up. What was the point of having those extra people if I can’t depend on them?

RuPaul/Giphy.com

RuPaul/Giphy.com

After trimming the fat, my support system now consists of 2-3 people. When I was too stubborn to listen to their thoughts and opinions, they could’ve let me drown in my stubbornness. Instead, they waited patiently for me to get my shi*t together. They cheered for me when I couldn’t cheer for myself. Most importantly, they genuinely care about my well-being.

My appreciation for these people runs deeper than words can express. I’m thankful for all that they’ve done and continue to do for me.

xo

 

 

 

 

 

Persistence #Thankful2017

Nov
06

The Recovering Pessimist: Persistence #Thankful2017 -- When I get thisclose to accomplishing a goal, the Universe will test me. I could've quit, but persistence wouldn't allow that. Don't allow anyone or anything, including yourself, get in the way of your goals. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

The Universe went out of her way to throw some curveballs my way this year. When I decided that I wanted to “Stay Ready” this year, I’m convinced that Universe not only heard me, but she was testing me.

I would get thisclose to checking off a goal and then WHAM, an unexpected expense would pop up. Don’t you hate that? I could approach this situation in two ways:

One: I could wave the white flag of defeat and wallow in my failure.

Two: I can figure out how I can check off the goal AND how I can handle the unexpected expense without it negatively affecting me.

I ain’t gonna lie (yes, you read that right), it’s way easier for me to wave the white flag of defeat than it is to carry on. But because I promised myself that I was going to make this goal happen, I’m hellbent on seeing it through.

Here’s where persistence comes in.

Persistence is a skill that I didn’t always appreciate. Why? Because it required me to keep going, even when I would rather throw my hands up and quit. But, when I want something, I want something. I do research, create a master plan, and even a few “just in case” contingency plans.

I refuse to allow anyone and anything, including myself, to get in the way of what I want in life.

Time is ticking.

Make moves.

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome to #Thankful2017

Nov
03

The Recovering Pessimist: Welcome to #Thankful2017 -- I'm thankful for the four things featured in this series because they all got me through 2017. Without them, this year would've been a hot mess. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistNovember is a significant month for many reasons. It’s the kickoff of the holiday season. It’s the countdown to the end of the year.

It’s also a time to do some reflection.

It’s necessary for me to reflect on the good, the bad, and the meh of the current year before I begin planning for the following year.

This month, I’m doing a four-part series called #Thankful2017 to reflect on the things that got me through 2017.

Enjoy!

 

Holiday Fatigue Strikes Again

Oct
30

The Recovering Pessimist: Holiday Fatigue Strikes Again -- It's October and the holidays are in our faces already. It's ridiculous and I'm already fatigued. Did I mention that it's only October? | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistI’ve written about my strong dislike of the retail aspect of the holiday season before (see herehere, and here). This year is much of the same with a not-so-surprising twist: I already have holiday fatigue and November isn’t even here yet.

A few observations this year:

  • In many stores, Halloween items were at least 40% off by November 15th. Halloween displays made way for 6 foot tall Christmas trees and large plastic candy canes complete with lights.
  • My favorite stores started sending me emails featuring gift sets and other seasonal items to consider as gifts mid-October.
  • I’ve seen Elf on the Shelf displays.
  • People are counting down how many days are left until Christmas.

In all honesty, I can deal with everything mentioned above MINUS the countdown. The counting down is high-key annoying as hell. Can we put the turkey in the oven first?

Be strong ya’ll.

 

No: The Great Motivator

Oct
23

The Recovering Pessimist: No: The Great Motivator -- When you work days, months, even years towards a goal just to hear "no", it tears you apart. Allow yourself to go through the emotions, then pick yourself up and get back to work. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistImagine having a goal you want to accomplish. Doesn’t matter if it’s big or small. What matters is that you want it and you want it really bad. You’ve worked towards it for days, months, and even years.

Now imagine that today is the day when you find out if your hard work will accomplish your goal. You’re on pins and needles waiting. Stomach in knots, heartbeat racing and then…

no.

You start feeling devastated, heartbroken, pissed. That’s ok.

You may ask yourself why this is happening. That’s ok.

You may want to throw things. That’s ok.

You may not know what to do. That’s ok.

It’s okay to want and feel all of those things and more. However, I don’t want you to give up, okay? No hurts, but it hurts more to give up. Let that no motivate you to pick up where you left off and keep going.

You’ve come too far to quit now.

You got this.

MsWalton

 

 

 

When the Past Reappears

Oct
16

The past has a way of reappearing when you’re doing good for yourself.

For example, when you’re over someone, you may exile them from your life. You block their number so they can’t call/text you and you unfriend them on social media. That exiled person is now a part of your past, and until further notice, the past is where they will stay.

In the meantime, life moves on. You’re out here in the world, being awesome and whatnot. Then one random day, the past reappears.

Oprah/Giphy.com

Oprah/Giphy.com

It could be a text/call from an unknown number, in-person, etc. Regardless of the way the past reappeared, it’s awkward as hell. You cared about that person. You both had some good memories.  You may feel a way about how things ended. Then there’s the desire…to reconnect with that person. sighs That desire makes a huge difference in how you decide to react.

Despite these feelings, you remind myself that I’m done with that person for a reason. And while it might not be a bad thing to consider making them part of your life now, you don’t want to risk it.

[bctt tweet=”The what-ifs aren’t worth the emotional rollercoaster.” username=”MsWalton”]

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

Relationships & The Fine Print

Oct
09

The Recovering Pessimist: Relationships & the Fine Print -- Relationships come with fine print,which is crucial to a relationship's success. When you fail to abide by the fine print, the relationship ends. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistWhen I enter into a relationship after being single for some time, It’s exciting. I can get caught up in the newness of it all, that I forget the components that comprise the fine print in relationships. I consider these components to be communication, sympathy, etc.:

Relationship participants agree to keep lines of communication open. Participants also agree to be sympathetic to the needs of other participants. Failure to comply with these terms may result in termination of the relationship. Other terms and agreements may apply.

Making the adjustment in your mindset from single to a relationship participant is crucial. I had to change my mindset to meet the needs of my partner. These components create a foundation that’s a requirement for relationship success.

[bctt tweet=”Having a boo thang is cute, but if you want to keep that boo thang, do the work.” username=”MsWalton”]

The moment you disregard the foundation of a relationship is when the relationship fails. And you end up back where you started…single. Keep that in mind.

 

 

 

Don’t Lay Your Burdens on My Shoulders

Oct
02

The Recovering Pessimist: Don't Lay Your Burdens On My Shoulders -- When you decide to share your burdens with someone, ask them. It's only fair. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistWe all have things that weigh on us. Those things may affect us in various ways. Burdens can be difficult to deal with alone, so oftentimes, we talk about our burdens with others.

This is where things get dicey.

There’s a difference between just talking about your burdens and laying your burdens on someone’s shoulders. You can have a discussion about your burdens just to get it off your chest. No expectations from the other person, other than to listen.

But when you dump your burdens on people expecting them to fix it for you, there’s an issue. It’s not fair to the other person to be your emotional dumping ground. You’re not resolving anything. Instead, you’re creating another issue: you put your burdens on another person’s shoulders to carry. That’s a lot, especially when the other person didn’t ask for it.

How can this be avoided?

Ask for permission beforehand. Some people absorb your problems and/or energy and can’t get rid of it like they want. It’s as simple as that.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

A Few Thoughts on Foresight

Sep
25

The Recovering Pessimist: A Few Thoughts On Foresight -- I wonder if foresight is one of those skills like common sense. Everyone isn't born with it. You either have it or you don't. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist This post originated from an observation I had while driving on the interstate: People don’t pay attention when they’re driving. This observation applies beyond driving. In general, people just don’t pay attention. All of the information, signs, etc. are there right in front of them, but they lack the foresight to see what’s to come.

It’s interesting to say the least.

I wonder if foresight is one of those skills that people either have it or they don’t. Similar to common sense. If that’s not the case, I can’t explain how people can’t see what’s going to happen when it’s in plain view.

What if foresight is one of those things where they can see what’s in front of them, but they don’t know what to do?

What if foresight is one of those things when they know what’s in front of them and they know what’s going to happen, but they don’t want to deal with the situation?

If you ever find yourself sitting in traffic, check out your surroundings. There’s a driver or two who doesn’t pay attention to lane closures, sudden braking, etc.

[bctt tweet=”If you feel that something is about to happen, do you prepare yourself or do you ignore it?” username=”MsWalton”]

Care to share your answer? Let me know in the comments and/or social media.

Be good to yourself.

 

 

 

Truth Skewed by Pride

Aug
28

The Recovering Pessimist: Truth Skewed by Pride -- Despite knowing that there are 3 versions of the truth, there are times when we'll see our truth as the only one that matters. Why? One word: pride. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistOne of the things I learned as a kid was that there are 3 versions of the truth:

Your truth.

Their truth.

The truth itself.

Somewhere within your truth and their truth is the truth itself. Sometimes, it’s easy to get to. Other times, you have to dig through the info to find it. The journey to get to truth itself is full of anxiety and/or optimism. You might find yourself hoping that their truth is wrong. You might find yourself hoping that your truth is right. Or, you may hope that both of you are wrong.

On rare occasions, the truth may never come to light. There are a few reasons why this could be, but the one that sticks out the most is pride (see here, here, and here for past posts about pride). When it comes to truth, you may know that your version of the truth isn’t correct. Instead of coming to terms with that, you instead stick with your version. I’ve been guilty of this on several occasions. Put your pride in check or it’ll have you out here looking dumb as hell.

[bctt tweet=”Be mindful of the role you play in the truth. How you see things isn’t always how it really is. ” username=”MsWalton”]

As I love to say…when you know better, you do better.

Take care.

 

Rude Motherf*ckers

Aug
21

Dear Ill-Mannered,

Whenever I leave my home, I’m reminded of a sad truth:

Manners appear to be obsolete, like cursive being taught in schools.

You know I’m not lying.

You walk past people and don’t bother to say “excuse me”.

You ask for directions, napkins, whatever and don’t say “please”.

Someone holds the door for you and you don’t say “thank you”.

Leonardo/Giphy.com

Leonardo/Giphy.com

Depending on my mood, I’ll call you out on it.

Did you walk past me and not say “excuse me”?

I’ll respond with “you’re excused”.

Did you fail to say “please” after asking for something?

I’ll ask you for the magic word.

You didn’t say “thank you”? I’ll “say thank you” for you.

I’ll “say thank you” for you.

I have no clue why this is so hard for you to understand. Perhaps it goes back to the day your rude ass entered the world. My elders always said that it takes a village to raise a child. Perhaps the village that was responsible for you failed you as a child.

Not that it’s an excuse.

[bctt tweet=”You have to take responsibility for yourself. That includes making adjustments to bad behaviors. ” username=”MsWalton”]

Now that you know better, do better.

Sincerely,

Society

 

CTRL | ALT | DELETE

Aug
07

The Recovering Pessimist: CTRL | ALT| DELETE -- It's amazing how looking at three keyboard keys applies to real life. We have CONTROL over who and what are allowed into our personal space. We can ALTERNATE our habits to allow for more spontaneity. DELETE who and what drains you of your energy. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistI use the CTRL, ALT, and DELETE keys daily. Nothing special. One day at work, something clicked while using those keys to lock my PC.

These keys apply to real life. 

It sounds a tinge ridiculous but here’s my explanation:

CTRL – Control your personal space.

I talk about personal space (see here, here, and here) often because it’s that important. Guarding the people and/or things that enter your personal space is a key component of self-care (see here, here, and here). Trust me on this one.

ALT – Alternate your habits.

I’m a creature of habit. Most of my habits aren’t time-specific, but I still have to do them. The problem with habits is that you miss out on experiences and moments. Loosen up a bit. Figure out a way to alternate your habits so you can still enjoy the spontaneity of life.

DELETE – Remove who and/or what’s unnecessary.

Purge things from your home that you have no use for. Drop the people who drain you of your energy. Goodness can’t come into your life if you have negativity surrounding you.

Until next time,

MsWalton

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