The Recovering Pessimist

Helping pessimists see the bright side of life without losing their "half empty" roots.

Dear #Love, My Heart is Open

Feb
29

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, My Heart is Open -- I refuse to allow the past to prevent me from experiencing love in my future. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

I’m going to keep this one short and sweet.

The past four weeks have been an interesting journey. Writing these letters is incredibly therapeutic. I’ve let go of my obsession with forever, made amends with my past, and listened to my elders. You know, I just realized that I’ve done more self-reflection in 4 weeks than I’ve done in 4 years.  I’m proud of myself.

pats self on back 

[bctt tweet=”This self-reflection session reminded me that I cannot allow the past to prevent me from experiencing love in my future. “]

It feels soooo gooood to heal old wounds. My spirit feels a little lighter than it did. My heart is definitely more open than it was. I am a work in progress. Thank you #Love for being so patient with me.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

 

 

Dear #Love, the Icy Fortress is Melting

Feb
22

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, the Icy Fortress is Melting -- I can't prepare to invite love into my life if the fortress remains. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

When it comes to love, I’ve had to retrain myself, if that makes sense. The ice fortress I built years ago to protect myself from heartache is now doing more harm than good. I’m so worried about getting my feelings hurt that I end up missing out on potential mates.

Time to switch this up.

 

[bctt tweet=”Part of working my way back to love involves melting the icy fortress that’s protected me for years.”]

I’m more aware of my feelings and my actions. I refuse to hold the actions of the past against future potential. It’s not fair to them nor is it fair to me. I carry the lessons from my elders, I’ve made amends with the past, and I’m I see things for what they are instead of what they could be.

When you know better, you do better right?

Until next time,

MsWalton

Dear #Love, My Elders Were Right

Feb
15

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love: My Elders Were Right. -- You're doomed to repeat the mistakes of your past if you don't learn your lesson. #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

My elders always say that you’re doomed to repeat the mistakes of your past if you don’t learn from them.

I made friends with people who only befriended me for what I could do for them.

I dated guys who wanted a body to lay with, not a partner to grow with.

I didn’t correct my friends the moment I realized they were using me. Nor did I drop those guys when I realized they didn’t want what I wanted. Because I didn’t do anything to make things better, the cycle repeated itself until I finally got fed up.

[bctt tweet=”You teach people how you want them to treat you.”]

That’s one of the top 10 life lessons I’ve learned. I want to thank my elders for all that you’ve taught me.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

Dear #Love, I’m Sorry

Feb
08

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, I'm Sorry. -- #Love, I'm sorry for blaming you for my mistakes. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection since I’ve entered my 30s. This journey isn’t easy by no means, but it’s necessary. Writing in my journal has helped me work through a lot of my issues. I’ve apologized to a lot of people in those pages, but I have one more apology to make.

[bctt tweet=”#Love, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for blaming you for my mistakes. I’m so sorry for taking advantage of you. I’ve learned my lessons. Will you accept my apology? “]

I’m in a good place now and I feel that if you entered my life at this point, I’d welcome you with open arms. You gotta admit, we do work well together.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

 

Dear #Love, Forever Isn’t Guaranteed

Feb
01

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, Forever Isn't Guaranteed -- Lesson Learned. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

I was with my first love from the ages of about 19 to 21-22ish. A mutual friend introduced us and the attraction between us was undeniable. School kept us 100+ miles apart, but technology kept us in touch.

We had met each other’s parents and close friends. I couldn’t go anywhere by myself without someone asking about him. We talked about our future together, which involved marriage and possibly children.

I was in love and it felt warm and tingly. I loved being affectionate towards him in public. Oh, and we were totally that couple that sat on the same side of the booth at restaurants. There were times where we finished each other’s sentences. Whew, I was in deep!

*insert heavy sigh here*

When you get comfortable with the person you’re dating, the real you begins to show. There were things about him that I didn’t like and I’m sure he felt the same way. We’re all flawed and besides, we loved each other and that’s what matters right?

Yeah…not so much.

Over time, the warm and tingly feeling went away. We argued. Looking back on it, my jealousy started a lot of the arguments. Cracks were forming in our relationship. We weren’t the happy couple that we were in the beginning. I was aware of that. What I didn’t realize was that he had emotionally checked out and checked in elsewhere.

I had dreams for us. He was my ONE, my heart, my love. Correction. I thought he was my ONE. I don’t regret the relationship because I was introduced to heartbreak and taught a very valuable lesson:

Forever isn’t guaranteed.

Until next time,

MsWalton

“Dear #Love” Letter Series

Jan
29

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love: A Love Letter Series -- A five-part series on my feelings about #Love. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistI’ve been brainstorming ideas for February’s theme. Last year, I wrote a series entitled #Love: A Musical Retrospective. This year, I didn’t want to do something as grand, but I wanted it to be just as personal.

So, I decided to write “Dear #Love” Letters. It’s comprised of five letters from myself to #Love covering a range of topics based on personal experience. It’s my way of healing old wounds and opening myself up to experiences that I have avoided.

Enjoy!

Don’t Wait for Closure

Aug
24

The Recovering Pessimist: Don't Wait for Closure. -- Don't wait for someone to give you what you can give yourself. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #recoveringpessimist #amwritingClosure is complicated. Many need it to move on from a relationship, situation, etc. In theory, this is fine. However this can go horribly wrong when it comes to execution. Here’s an example:

I know someone who constantly seeks closure. Relationships will fail for whatever reason and she’ll spend weeks calling and/or texting the ex to get an explanation for why things went south. Even when the writing is on the wall.

*screams into pillow*

Here’s the funny thing about closure. Closure only works if the person providing the closure is genuine. If said person doesn’t give one iota about your well-being, don’t expect the closure to be genuine. People will tell you what they think you want to hear. So, if you get that closure and it isn’t genuine, what’s the purpose in seeking it?!

I’ll answer that for you. There is no purpose in seeking it if the closure isn’t genuine. Don’t give someone else control over something you have the power to do yourself. Do whatever is (legally) necessary for you to drop the mic on closure.

The power is yours. Use it wisely.

Do U Like Me? Yes, No…

Aug
03

The Recovering Pessimist: Do You Like Me? -- The answer is way more complicated than it was in elementary school. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #optimisticpessimist #recoveringpessimist

Remember those infamous Do U Like Me? notes from middle school? Person A would slip Person B (the middle person) a note to give to Person C (you). It would have Do U Like Me? at the top. Underneath the question are the possible answers Yes and No.

You  checked the box next to applicable answer (or circled the answer), gave the note back to Person B to relay, and waited for a response. We can kiss those simple times goodbye.

Social media and online dating sites create more avenues for people to meet. In theory, this isn’t bad. With more avenues to meet people Yes and No are no longer cut and dry.  It’s Complicated  is now thrown in for a bit of complexity.

It’s Complicated is usually the response when there are other circumstances preventing a cut and dry answer. I’ll use my personal experience to explain.

  • He had a girlfriend, but they were thisclose to breaking up. He wanted to “explore his options” before he broke up with her. You know, just in case the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. *rolls eyes*
  • I was casually dating a guy. While out at happy hour, I had a conversation with a guy about the beers we were drinking. He was really easy to talk to (and it didn’t hurt that he was gorgeous). We exchanged numbers  and talked for days. At some point, he asked me about my relationship status. I was still casually dating the other guy, so I explained that it was complicated. I never heard from him after that conversation.

It’s tough out here on Single Island. You have to weed out the weirdos in order to find the potentials to date. That’s exhausting in and of itself. You finally find one that tickles your fancy just to find out that his relationship status is complicated.

*throws remote across room*

Seriously? Is it really complicated? Or is he/she afraid of letting go of their relationship and starting over? You’re comfortable with that person and the idea of letting them go and starting over is overwhelming. I get it. Been there, done that, and learned a powerful lesson:

[bctt tweet=”You can’t move on tethered to dead weight. End your relationship then move on.  “]

Simple as Yes and No.

I’m Featured on “Oh Hey, Nina”

Jul
28

Hi!

There are things that I want to talk about that I don’t aren’t necessarily a good fit for this blog. So I decided that  Oh Hey, Nina would be the perfect place for my guest blog post entitled “Pardon Your Manners: First Impressions of Online Dating”. That’s right, I’m a guest blogger pats self on back. I’m pretty excited and would love it if you would take a few minutes to show Nina some love. She’s pretty awesome and her blog is dope as hell.

Oh, and one more thing. If you don’t mind, let me know what you think about my guest blog post. I would really appreciate the feedback.

Thanks!

 

Updated March 5, 2015

Abrupt Departure of #Love

Feb
27

I came home from work and saw a key on the coffee table. No note explaining why the key was there. As I looked around the living room, I noticed that his recliner was gone. Fearing the worst, I frantically checked each room for some sign of him. I found nothing.

He’s gone.

I am not naive. I was aware that our relationship was on its last leg. In my mind, I had hoped that the relationship would end amicably.

There’s no change in Hell of that happening now.

Thinking back to that morning, his demeanor was so cold. He barely said anything to me.

I raked my brain trying to figure out what drove him to the point of leaving.

What did I say? What did I do?

A migraine later, I gave up. Nothing is going to change. He’s not coming back.

Love has abruptly departed.

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