The Recovering Pessimist

Helping pessimists see the bright side of life without losing their "half empty" roots.

When the Past Reappears

Oct
16

The past has a way of reappearing when you’re doing good for yourself.

For example, when you’re over someone, you may exile them from your life. You block their number so they can’t call/text you and you unfriend them on social media. That exiled person is now a part of your past, and until further notice, the past is where they will stay.

In the meantime, life moves on. You’re out here in the world, being awesome and whatnot. Then one random day, the past reappears.

Oprah/Giphy.com

Oprah/Giphy.com

It could be a text/call from an unknown number, in-person, etc. Regardless of the way the past reappeared, it’s awkward as hell. You cared about that person. You both had some good memories.  You may feel a way about how things ended. Then there’s the desire…to reconnect with that person. sighs That desire makes a huge difference in how you decide to react.

Despite these feelings, you remind myself that I’m done with that person for a reason. And while it might not be a bad thing to consider making them part of your life now, you don’t want to risk it.

[bctt tweet=”The what-ifs aren’t worth the emotional rollercoaster.” username=”MsWalton”]

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

Relationships & The Fine Print

Oct
09

The Recovering Pessimist: Relationships & the Fine Print -- Relationships come with fine print,which is crucial to a relationship's success. When you fail to abide by the fine print, the relationship ends. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistWhen I enter into a relationship after being single for some time, It’s exciting. I can get caught up in the newness of it all, that I forget the components that comprise the fine print in relationships. I consider these components to be communication, sympathy, etc.:

Relationship participants agree to keep lines of communication open. Participants also agree to be sympathetic to the needs of other participants. Failure to comply with these terms may result in termination of the relationship. Other terms and agreements may apply.

Making the adjustment in your mindset from single to a relationship participant is crucial. I had to change my mindset to meet the needs of my partner. These components create a foundation that’s a requirement for relationship success.

[bctt tweet=”Having a boo thang is cute, but if you want to keep that boo thang, do the work.” username=”MsWalton”]

The moment you disregard the foundation of a relationship is when the relationship fails. And you end up back where you started…single. Keep that in mind.

 

 

 

#Love is Necessary

Feb
27

The Recovering Pessimist: #Love is Necessary -- Each time I encountered Love, I emerged as a better person. Love helped me grow as a person. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutloveThere are two things that come to mind when I think of Love: Happiness and Heartache.

Happiness is an awesome feeling. It feels calming; like a glass of smooth whiskey or a comfy blanket on a chilly evening.

My experiences with heartache ranged from devastation to sad understanding. Heartache hurts, and while I don’t want to experience it, I know that it’s necessary.

Both happiness and heartache are necessary aspects of Love. They taught me lessons which made me a better person.

Love softens me. 

Love gives me hope.

Love humbled me.

[bctt tweet=”I wouldn’t be who I am without Love.” username=”MsWalton”]

 

Until next time,

MsWalton

#Love is Unexpected

Feb
20

The Recovering Pessimist: #Love is Unexpected -- It's been my experience that Love needs to come to me versus me looking for Love. I learned to appreciate the unexpectedness of Love, and I'm grateful for that. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #optimisticpessimist #recoveringpessimist #mytruthaboutlove

While working on the Dear #Love Letter series and #Love: A Musical Retrospective, I realized that there was a recurring theme:

Love works on its own schedule.

You would think this be a “duh” moment, but like many things in my life, I had to figure this one out. I fought Love. I tried so hard to make Love work on my own terms. I planned for it. I did all the work required to invite Love in.

In return, Love laughed at me and delivered a well-needed life lesson:

[bctt tweet=”What you want and what the Universe wants for you aren’t going to line up all the time. ” username=”MsWalton”]

 

Praise/Giphy.com

Praise/Giphy.com

 

When you know better, you do better right?

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

#Love + Pride = Disaster

Feb
13

 

The Recovering Pessimist: #Love + Pride = Disaster -- Several things have ruined my relationships in the past (e.g., jealousy, lack of trust, etc.). None of those things were as disastrous as pride. You can sense jealousy and lac of trust, but pride is hard to detect. And by the time you detect it, it may be too late. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #mytruthaboutlove #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

When people enter into a relationship, a few things should beare understood:

1. Someone else’s wants and needs should be considered as well as yours.

2. You aren’t always going to be right.

3. Your thoughts are feelings aren’t more important than the other party.

Having an understanding of those three things is crucial to the success of the relationship. In addition, pride can ruin your understanding of these things.

There were a few times where I let pride get the best of me. I was so selfish. If it wasn’t about me first, I wasn’t hearing it. I didn’t care about my boyfriend’s feelings enough to make them a priority. When arguments would occur, I was always right…even when I was dead ass wrong.

My selfishness was responsible for many failed relationships. There were a few times where I managed to check myself before things took a hard left, but it was too late to salvage the relationship.

[bctt tweet=”Pride will destroy everything in its path, including your relationship. ” username=”MsWalton”]

Ain’t that the truth.

Those lessons on pride’s place in relationships were hard, but they were necessary. I have to humble myself when it comes to relationships if I want my future relationship(s) to prosper.

Until next time,

MsWalton

#Love is a Winning AND Losing Game

Feb
06

The Recovering Pessimist: Love is a Winning AND Losing Game -- As in life, there are winners and losers when it comes to love, and that is okay. I learned to live in moment versus worrying about when the other shoe in the relationship would fall. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutloveAmy Winehouse was on to something with “Love Is a Losing Game”.

Allow me to explain.

In life, there are losers and winners. The same applies to love.

There are moments where I was a winner in love. Everything was going well in the relationship, I couldn’t stop smiling, and my heart was full of happiness.

At some point, those winning moments turned sour. Frowns and sadness replaced smiles and happiness. The relationship ended. All was not well in my world. I lost.

But it’s okay.

Heartache is an unwanted necessity of life. Instead of wallowing in my broken heart, I learned to remember those moments where I was a winner.

[bctt tweet=”Sometimes losing is inevitable, even in love. ” username=”MsWalton”]

Until next time,

MsWalton

My Truth About #Love

Jan
30

The Recovering Pessimist: My Truth About Love (Intro) -- I don't participate in Valentine's Day (it's a retail holiday, but I digress), however, I wanted to create a themed series about the truths I learned (the hard way) about love. I hope you enjoy! | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutlove

I love writing about love and all of its complexities. Back in 2014 and 2016 I did a themed February series on love. I enjoyed creating the themes and wanted to do it again for 2017.

During my brainstorming sessions, I wanted to do things a bit simpler this year. When I was jotting down my lessons learned for 2016, many of those lessons centered around love.

Which brings me to the “My Truth About #Love” series. This series consists of four truths posted each Monday in February.

I hope you enjoy the series!

 

 

 

 

3 Thoughts While Watching #90DayFiance

Nov
21

The Recovering Pessimist: A Few Thoughts While Watching #90DayFiance -- While watching #90DayFiance I wondered if those who seek love abroad do so thinking that they won't have the issues that they have while dating in the States. The same issues come with love, regardless of where you are. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

 

One of my guilty pleasures is watching “90 Day Fiance” on TLC“. It’s a show about men and women in the U.S. who go through the process of obtaining a K-1 Visa, which gives them 90 days to marry their boyfriends/girlfriends who live overseas. Some of the couples are genuine, while others are marrying for reasons other than love. Which reminds of this quote:

[bctt tweet=”Love is a beautiful delusion, regardless of where you live in the world.” username=”MsWalton”]

The participants on “90 Day Fiance” have the same issues as those of us who are stateside. These issues are the inspiration for this blog post. I want to discuss some of the issues that stuck out to me below. Enjoy!

Respect their culture

If you’re in a relationship with someone from another cultural background, take the initiative to learn about their culture. If you want to get to know him/her, learning their culture is a part of that. The internet is full of information. Use it and prosper.

A lie is a lie is a LIE

If you catch him/her in a lie, question it. Don’t twist their words to make yourself feel better. Don’t make excuses for them. And while you may want to know the truth, know this:

[bctt tweet=”Once someone lies to you, everything they tell you will feel like a lie, including the truth itself.” username=”MsWalton”]

If you find yourself wondering if what they’re telling you is the truth, what’s the point in continuing the relationship?

If everyone else can see it, perhaps you need to see it too

This might be hard to believe, but everyone isn’t posted up in the corner rooting for you to fail. There are people who not only care about you, but they also want the best for you. Sometimes, what they want for you may not be what you want to hear. Past experiences have taught me to listen when these people speak.

 

And they say you can’t learn anything from reality television…

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

Public Service Announcement: “Good Morning” Texts

Aug
22

The Recovering Pessimist: Public Service Announcement: The "Good Morning" Text -- I love getting a "good morning" text from someone I like/love. However, when that's the beginning and end of the daily conversation, there's a problem. And that problem is HUGE! | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

There’s something about waking up each day to a “Good morning” text message from someone you like/love. It makes me smile and (briefly) warms the frigid borders of my heart. Gives me all the feels. Puts a little pep in my step.

However, there’s a catch to the “Good morning” text, and it’s rooted in motive. When sending a “Good morning” text, two questions should come to mind:

  • Am I sending the text because I care?

OR

  • Am I sending the text because I feel that I’m obligated to do so?
Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

Once you work out the motive, you move to the second phases: the follow-through. Once you send the “Good morning” text, make sure to do the following:

  • Ask him/her how he/she is doing.
  • Tell him/her to have a good day/evening/night.
Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

[bctt tweet=”If you care about someone, it should show in your actions. ” username=”MsWalton”]

Also, when someone shows you who they are…even if it’s in a text message, believe them. If they don’t care enough to make text messages count, do you really want to invest more time and/or energy to get to know this person?

Barack Obama/giphy.com

Barack Obama/giphy.com

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

Dating Non-Negotiables

Jun
13

The Recovering Pessimist: Dating Non-Negotiables -- Your time is too precious to be spending it on those who are not worthy. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDuring Season 12, Episode 23 of Grey’s Anatomy, Alex (Justin Chambers) proposed to his girlfriend Jo (Camilla Luddington). The episode ends and Jo hasn’t responded to Alex’s proposal. Fast forward to Episode 24. Alex asks Jo why she hasn’t answered him. Jo asks Alex is her being in love with him good enough because she isn’t going anywhere.

Frustrated, Alex proceeds to tell Jo that he wants a wife and children and if that’s not what she wants, they don’t need to be together. During Alex’s monologue, he said the following quote which then inspired this blog post:

My dating life is full of experiences, both good and bad. I’ve stayed in relationships longer than I should. Hell, I’ve gotten into relationships that I shouldn’t have gotten into. It took a long time for me to learn the lessons and now that I’m older, there are a lot of things that I’m unwilling to accept. I’m at a point in my life where I have non-negotiables and if those non-negotiables cannot be met, then I have no need for you.

Below are two of my dating non-negotiables that I refuse to bend on:

Say What You Mean & Mean What You Say

I have a zero tolerance policy for bullsh*t. I’ve been a sucker for believing someone’s promises. They usually started with “I swear”, “I promise”, “I bet”, and so on. Those phrases usually ended in disappointment because they failed to follow through. Never again. Nowadays, I pay more attention to what you aren’t saying. If you can’t back those words up, you can go.

Empire / giphy.com

Empire / giphy.com

 Don’t Settle

There are a few of my exes that I shouldn’t have dated. After repeating the pattern several times, I finally figured out the reason.

Me + Loneliness = Settling

My problem with loneliness was that in the past, I would be more focused on curing the loneliness versus finding someone who was worthy of my time & energy. I didn’t see that they weren’t financially/emotionally stable and/or monogamous. Why? My focus was skewed and I ignored the red flags that were waving in my path.

James Corden / giphy.com

James Corden/ giphy.com

Don’t ever settle because you’re lonely. In fact, don’t settle at all. You have standards and if you put those standards aside for even a hot second, you invite all kinds of red flags into your personal space. You can’t get that time and energy back.

[bctt tweet=”Don’t spend your precious time entertaining those who are unworthy.” username=”MsWalton”]

Having non-negotiables in place help you navigate through the madness of the dating world. You can dodge the scrubs and make way for what you truly want. No need to make dating harder than it already is, right?

Until next time,

Jae

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