The Recovering Pessimist

Helping pessimists see the bright side of life without losing their "half empty" roots.

#Love is Necessary

Feb
27

The Recovering Pessimist: #Love is Necessary -- Each time I encountered Love, I emerged as a better person. Love helped me grow as a person. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutloveThere are two things that come to mind when I think of Love: Happiness and Heartache.

Happiness is an awesome feeling. It feels calming; like a glass of smooth whiskey or a comfy blanket on a chilly evening.

My experiences with heartache ranged from devastation to sad understanding. Heartache hurts, and while I don’t want to experience it, I know that it’s necessary.

Both happiness and heartache are necessary aspects of Love. They taught me lessons which made me a better person.

Love softens me. 

Love gives me hope.

Love humbled me.

I wouldn't be who I am without Love. Click To Tweet

 

Until next time,

MsWalton

#Love is Unexpected

Feb
20

The Recovering Pessimist: #Love is Unexpected -- It's been my experience that Love needs to come to me versus me looking for Love. I learned to appreciate the unexpectedness of Love, and I'm grateful for that. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #optimisticpessimist #recoveringpessimist #mytruthaboutlove

While working on the Dear #Love Letter series and #Love: A Musical Retrospective, I realized that there was a recurring theme:

Love works on its own schedule.

You would think this be a “duh” moment, but like many things in my life, I had to figure this one out. I fought Love. I tried so hard to make Love work on my own terms. I planned for it. I did all the work required to invite Love in.

In return, Love laughed at me and delivered a well-needed life lesson:

What you want and what the Universe wants for you aren't going to line up all the time. Click To Tweet

 

Praise/Giphy.com

Praise/Giphy.com

 

When you know better, you do better right?

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

#Love + Pride = Disaster

Feb
13

 

The Recovering Pessimist: #Love + Pride = Disaster -- Several things have ruined my relationships in the past (e.g., jealousy, lack of trust, etc.). None of those things were as disastrous as pride. You can sense jealousy and lac of trust, but pride is hard to detect. And by the time you detect it, it may be too late. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #mytruthaboutlove #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

When people enter into a relationship, a few things should beare understood:

1. Someone else’s wants and needs should be considered as well as yours.

2. You aren’t always going to be right.

3. Your thoughts are feelings aren’t more important than the other party.

Having an understanding of those three things is crucial to the success of the relationship. In addition, pride can ruin your understanding of these things.

There were a few times where I let pride get the best of me. I was so selfish. If it wasn’t about me first, I wasn’t hearing it. I didn’t care about my boyfriend’s feelings enough to make them a priority. When arguments would occur, I was always right…even when I was dead ass wrong.

My selfishness was responsible for many failed relationships. There were a few times where I managed to check myself before things took a hard left, but it was too late to salvage the relationship.

Pride will destroy everything in its path, including your relationship. Click To Tweet

Ain’t that the truth.

Those lessons on pride’s place in relationships were hard, but they were necessary. I have to humble myself when it comes to relationships if I want my future relationship(s) to prosper.

Until next time,

MsWalton

#Love is a Winning AND Losing Game

Feb
06

The Recovering Pessimist: Love is a Winning AND Losing Game -- As in life, there are winners and losers when it comes to love, and that is okay. I learned to live in moment versus worrying about when the other shoe in the relationship would fall. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutloveAmy Winehouse was on to something with “Love Is a Losing Game”.

Allow me to explain.

In life, there are losers and winners. The same applies to love.

There are moments where I was a winner in love. Everything was going well in the relationship, I couldn’t stop smiling, and my heart was full of happiness.

At some point, those winning moments turned sour. Frowns and sadness replaced smiles and happiness. The relationship ended. All was not well in my world. I lost.

But it’s okay.

Heartache is an unwanted necessity of life. Instead of wallowing in my broken heart, I learned to remember those moments where I was a winner.

Sometimes losing is inevitable, even in love. Click To Tweet

Until next time,

MsWalton

My Truth About #Love

Jan
30

The Recovering Pessimist: My Truth About Love (Intro) -- I don't participate in Valentine's Day (it's a retail holiday, but I digress), however, I wanted to create a themed series about the truths I learned (the hard way) about love. I hope you enjoy! | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutlove

I love writing about love and all of its complexities. Back in 2014 and 2016 I did a themed February series on love. I enjoyed creating the themes and wanted to do it again for 2017.

During my brainstorming sessions, I wanted to do things a bit simpler this year. When I was jotting down my lessons learned for 2016, many of those lessons centered around love.

Which brings me to the “My Truth About #Love” series. This series consists of four truths posted each Monday in February.

I hope you enjoy the series!

 

 

 

 

3 Thoughts While Watching #90DayFiance

Nov
21

The Recovering Pessimist: A Few Thoughts While Watching #90DayFiance -- While watching #90DayFiance I wondered if those who seek love abroad do so thinking that they won't have the issues that they have while dating in the States. The same issues come with love, regardless of where you are. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

 

One of my guilty pleasures is watching “90 Day Fiance” on TLC“. It’s a show about men and women in the U.S. who go through the process of obtaining a K-1 Visa, which gives them 90 days to marry their boyfriends/girlfriends who live overseas. Some of the couples are genuine, while others are marrying for reasons other than love. Which reminds of this quote:

Love is a beautiful delusion, regardless of where you live in the world. Click To Tweet

The participants on “90 Day Fiance” have the same issues as those of us who are stateside. These issues are the inspiration for this blog post. I want to discuss some of the issues that stuck out to me below. Enjoy!

Respect their culture

If you’re in a relationship with someone from another cultural background, take the initiative to learn about their culture. If you want to get to know him/her, learning their culture is a part of that. The internet is full of information. Use it and prosper.

A lie is a lie is a LIE

If you catch him/her in a lie, question it. Don’t twist their words to make yourself feel better. Don’t make excuses for them. And while you may want to know the truth, know this:

Once someone lies to you, everything they tell you will feel like a lie, including the truth itself. Click To Tweet

If you find yourself wondering if what they’re telling you is the truth, what’s the point in continuing the relationship?

If everyone else can see it, perhaps you need to see it too

This might be hard to believe, but everyone isn’t posted up in the corner rooting for you to fail. There are people who not only care about you, but they also want the best for you. Sometimes, what they want for you may not be what you want to hear. Past experiences have taught me to listen when these people speak.

 

And they say you can’t learn anything from reality television…

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

Public Service Announcement: “Good Morning” Texts

Aug
22

The Recovering Pessimist: Public Service Announcement: The "Good Morning" Text -- I love getting a "good morning" text from someone I like/love. However, when that's the beginning and end of the daily conversation, there's a problem. And that problem is HUGE! | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

There’s something about waking up each day to a “Good morning” text message from someone you like/love. It makes me smile and (briefly) warms the frigid borders of my heart. Gives me all the feels. Puts a little pep in my step.

However, there’s a catch to the “Good morning” text, and it’s rooted in motive. When sending a “Good morning” text, two questions should come to mind:

  • Am I sending the text because I care?

OR

  • Am I sending the text because I feel that I’m obligated to do so?
Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

Once you work out the motive, you move to the second phases: the follow-through. Once you send the “Good morning” text, make sure to do the following:

  • Ask him/her how he/she is doing.
  • Tell him/her to have a good day/evening/night.
Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

If you care about someone, it should show in your actions. Click To Tweet

Also, when someone shows you who they are…even if it’s in a text message, believe them. If they don’t care enough to make text messages count, do you really want to invest more time and/or energy to get to know this person?

Barack Obama/giphy.com

Barack Obama/giphy.com

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

Dating Non-Negotiables

Jun
13

The Recovering Pessimist: Dating Non-Negotiables -- Your time is too precious to be spending it on those who are not worthy. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDuring Season 12, Episode 23 of Grey’s Anatomy, Alex (Justin Chambers) proposed to his girlfriend Jo (Camilla Luddington). The episode ends and Jo hasn’t responded to Alex’s proposal. Fast forward to Episode 24. Alex asks Jo why she hasn’t answered him. Jo asks Alex is her being in love with him good enough because she isn’t going anywhere.

Frustrated, Alex proceeds to tell Jo that he wants a wife and children and if that’s not what she wants, they don’t need to be together. During Alex’s monologue, he said the following quote which then inspired this blog post:

My dating life is full of experiences, both good and bad. I’ve stayed in relationships longer than I should. Hell, I’ve gotten into relationships that I shouldn’t have gotten into. It took a long time for me to learn the lessons and now that I’m older, there are a lot of things that I’m unwilling to accept. I’m at a point in my life where I have non-negotiables and if those non-negotiables cannot be met, then I have no need for you.

Below are two of my dating non-negotiables that I refuse to bend on:

Say What You Mean & Mean What You Say

I have a zero tolerance policy for bullsh*t. I’ve been a sucker for believing someone’s promises. They usually started with “I swear”, “I promise”, “I bet”, and so on. Those phrases usually ended in disappointment because they failed to follow through. Never again. Nowadays, I pay more attention to what you aren’t saying. If you can’t back those words up, you can go.

Empire / giphy.com

Empire / giphy.com

 Don’t Settle

There are a few of my exes that I shouldn’t have dated. After repeating the pattern several times, I finally figured out the reason.

Me + Loneliness = Settling

My problem with loneliness was that in the past, I would be more focused on curing the loneliness versus finding someone who was worthy of my time & energy. I didn’t see that they weren’t financially/emotionally stable and/or monogamous. Why? My focus was skewed and I ignored the red flags that were waving in my path.

James Corden / giphy.com

James Corden/ giphy.com

Don’t ever settle because you’re lonely. In fact, don’t settle at all. You have standards and if you put those standards aside for even a hot second, you invite all kinds of red flags into your personal space. You can’t get that time and energy back.

Don't spend your precious time entertaining those who are unworthy. Click To Tweet

Having non-negotiables in place help you navigate through the madness of the dating world. You can dodge the scrubs and make way for what you truly want. No need to make dating harder than it already is, right?

Until next time,

Jae

Dear #Love, My Heart is Open

Feb
29

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, My Heart is Open -- I refuse to allow the past to prevent me from experiencing love in my future. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

I’m going to keep this one short and sweet.

The past four weeks have been an interesting journey. Writing these letters is incredibly therapeutic. I’ve let go of my obsession with forever, made amends with my past, and listened to my elders. You know, I just realized that I’ve done more self-reflection in 4 weeks than I’ve done in 4 years.  I’m proud of myself.

pats self on back 

This self-reflection session reminded me that I cannot allow the past to prevent me from experiencing… Click To Tweet

It feels soooo gooood to heal old wounds. My spirit feels a little lighter than it did. My heart is definitely more open than it was. I am a work in progress. Thank you #Love for being so patient with me.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

 

 

 

Dear #Love, the Icy Fortress is Melting

Feb
22

The Recovering Pessimist: Dear #Love, the Icy Fortress is Melting -- I can't prepare to invite love into my life if the fortress remains. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistDear #Love,

When it comes to love, I’ve had to retrain myself, if that makes sense. The ice fortress I built years ago to protect myself from heartache is now doing more harm than good. I’m so worried about getting my feelings hurt that I end up missing out on potential mates.

Time to switch this up.

 

Part of working my way back to love involves melting the icy fortress that's protected me for years. Click To Tweet

I’m more aware of my feelings and my actions. I refuse to hold the actions of the past against future potential. It’s not fair to them nor is it fair to me. I carry the lessons from my elders, I’ve made amends with the past, and I’m I see things for what they are instead of what they could be.

When you know better, you do better right?

Until next time,

MsWalton

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