• Love, Dating, & Relationships,  The Complexities of Life

    Is It Complicated?

    The Recovering Pessimist: "Is It Complicated?" -- When a relationship status changes to "It's Complicated", sometimes I wonder if the relationship is complicated by choice, circumstance, or both. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

     

    Allow me to set the scene.

    You’re on Facebook, scrolling through your timeline. You notice that one of your friends has changed their relationship to “It’s Complicated”. At that moment, you may ask yourself the following:

    Is it complicated by circumstance?

    Is it complicated by choice?

    I decided to answer these questions based on my own observations.

    Is it complicated by circumstance?

    Things could be complicated due to lack of communication. If neither party expresses their expectations, wants, etc., the relationship itself will resemble a car when you take your hands off the wheel. The relationship will run smoothly for a bit but at some point, it will veer off the road.

    Is it complicated by choice?

    I’ve witnessed people in relationships voluntarily engage in BS for the sheer delight of relishing in chaos. I’ll never understand it, but that’s not my battle to fight. The idea of enjoying a healthy relationship just isn’t appealing to some. I guess that’s okay. Clearly folks like making a mountain out of a molehill.

    Are relationships really complicated? Some are, whether it’s by circumstances, choice, or both. What won’t make them any less complicated is letting everyone know that your relationship is complicated. No need to make something more difficult than it is, right?

    Take care,

    MsWalton

     

     

  • The Recovering Pessimist: When the Past Reappears -- The past always has a way of reappearing when you're doing well. Now you have to fight the feeling of having that person back in your life, while remembering why that person is no longer in your life. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    Love, Dating, & Relationships,  The Complexities of Life

    When the Past Reappears

    The past has a way of reappearing when you’re doing good for yourself.

    For example, when you’re over someone, you may exile them from your life. You block their number so they can’t call/text you and you unfriend them on social media. That exiled person is now a part of your past, and until further notice, the past is where they will stay.

    In the meantime, life moves on. You’re out here in the world, being awesome and whatnot. Then one random day, the past reappears.

    Oprah/Giphy.com
    Oprah/Giphy.com

    It could be a text/call from an unknown number, in-person, etc. Regardless of the way the past reappeared, it’s awkward as hell. You cared about that person. You both had some good memories.  You may feel a way about how things ended. Then there’s the desire…to reconnect with that person. sighs That desire makes a huge difference in how you decide to react.

    Despite these feelings, you remind myself that I’m done with that person for a reason. And while it might not be a bad thing to consider making them part of your life now, you don’t want to risk it.

    [bctt tweet=”The what-ifs aren’t worth the emotional rollercoaster.” username=”MsWalton”]

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

     

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships,  The Complexities of Life

    Relationships & The Fine Print

    The Recovering Pessimist: Relationships & the Fine Print -- Relationships come with fine print,which is crucial to a relationship's success. When you fail to abide by the fine print, the relationship ends. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistWhen I enter into a relationship after being single for some time, It’s exciting. I can get caught up in the newness of it all, that I forget the components that comprise the fine print in relationships. I consider these components to be communication, sympathy, etc.:

    Relationship participants agree to keep lines of communication open. Participants also agree to be sympathetic to the needs of other participants. Failure to comply with these terms may result in termination of the relationship. Other terms and agreements may apply.

    Making the adjustment in your mindset from single to a relationship participant is crucial. I had to change my mindset to meet the needs of my partner. These components create a foundation that’s a requirement for relationship success.

    [bctt tweet=”Having a boo thang is cute, but if you want to keep that boo thang, do the work.” username=”MsWalton”]

    The moment you disregard the foundation of a relationship is when the relationship fails. And you end up back where you started…single. Keep that in mind.

     

     

     

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    #Love is Necessary

    The Recovering Pessimist: #Love is Necessary -- Each time I encountered Love, I emerged as a better person. Love helped me grow as a person. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutloveThere are two things that come to mind when I think of Love: Happiness and Heartache.

    Happiness is an awesome feeling. It feels calming; like a glass of smooth whiskey or a comfy blanket on a chilly evening.

    My experiences with heartache ranged from devastation to sad understanding. Heartache hurts, and while I don’t want to experience it, I know that it’s necessary.

    Both happiness and heartache are necessary aspects of Love. They taught me lessons which made me a better person.

    Love softens me. 

    Love gives me hope.

    Love humbled me.

    I wouldn't be who I am without Love.

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    #Love is Unexpected

    The Recovering Pessimist: #Love is Unexpected -- It's been my experience that Love needs to come to me versus me looking for Love. I learned to appreciate the unexpectedness of Love, and I'm grateful for that. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #optimisticpessimist #recoveringpessimist #mytruthaboutlove

    While working on the Dear #Love Letter series and #Love: A Musical Retrospective, I realized that there was a recurring theme:

    Love works on its own schedule.

    You would think this be a “duh” moment, but like many things in my life, I had to figure this one out. I fought Love. I tried so hard to make Love work on my own terms. I planned for it. I did all the work required to invite Love in.

    In return, Love laughed at me and delivered a well-needed life lesson:

    [bctt tweet=”What you want and what the Universe wants for you aren’t going to line up all the time. ” username=”MsWalton”]

     

    Praise/Giphy.com
    Praise/Giphy.com

     

    When you know better, you do better right?

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

     

     

     

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    #Love + Pride = Disaster

     

    The Recovering Pessimist: #Love + Pride = Disaster -- Several things have ruined my relationships in the past (e.g., jealousy, lack of trust, etc.). None of those things were as disastrous as pride. You can sense jealousy and lac of trust, but pride is hard to detect. And by the time you detect it, it may be too late. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #mytruthaboutlove #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

    When people enter into a relationship, a few things should beare understood:

    1. Someone else’s wants and needs should be considered as well as yours.

    2. You aren’t always going to be right.

    3. Your thoughts are feelings aren’t more important than the other party.

    Having an understanding of those three things is crucial to the success of the relationship. In addition, pride can ruin your understanding of these things.

    There were a few times where I let pride get the best of me. I was so selfish. If it wasn’t about me first, I wasn’t hearing it. I didn’t care about my boyfriend’s feelings enough to make them a priority. When arguments would occur, I was always right…even when I was dead ass wrong.

    My selfishness was responsible for many failed relationships. There were a few times where I managed to check myself before things took a hard left, but it was too late to salvage the relationship.

    [bctt tweet=”Pride will destroy everything in its path, including your relationship. ” username=”MsWalton”]

    Ain’t that the truth.

    Those lessons on pride’s place in relationships were hard, but they were necessary. I have to humble myself when it comes to relationships if I want my future relationship(s) to prosper.

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    #Love is a Winning AND Losing Game

    The Recovering Pessimist: Love is a Winning AND Losing Game -- As in life, there are winners and losers when it comes to love, and that is okay. I learned to live in moment versus worrying about when the other shoe in the relationship would fall. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutloveAmy Winehouse was on to something with “Love Is a Losing Game”.

    Allow me to explain.

    In life, there are losers and winners. The same applies to love.

    There are moments where I was a winner in love. Everything was going well in the relationship, I couldn’t stop smiling, and my heart was full of happiness.

    At some point, those winning moments turned sour. Frowns and sadness replaced smiles and happiness. The relationship ended. All was not well in my world. I lost.

    But it’s okay.

    Heartache is an unwanted necessity of life. Instead of wallowing in my broken heart, I learned to remember those moments where I was a winner.

    [bctt tweet=”Sometimes losing is inevitable, even in love. ” username=”MsWalton”]

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    My Truth About #Love

    The Recovering Pessimist: My Truth About Love (Intro) -- I don't participate in Valentine's Day (it's a retail holiday, but I digress), however, I wanted to create a themed series about the truths I learned (the hard way) about love. I hope you enjoy! | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutlove

    I love writing about love and all of its complexities. Back in 2014 and 2016 I did a themed February series on love. I enjoyed creating the themes and wanted to do it again for 2017.

    During my brainstorming sessions, I wanted to do things a bit simpler this year. When I was jotting down my lessons learned for 2016, many of those lessons centered around love.

    Which brings me to the “My Truth About #Love” series. This series consists of four truths posted each Monday in February.

    I hope you enjoy the series!

     

     

     

     

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships,  The Complexities of Life

    3 Thoughts While Watching #90DayFiance

    The Recovering Pessimist: A Few Thoughts While Watching #90DayFiance -- While watching #90DayFiance I wondered if those who seek love abroad do so thinking that they won't have the issues that they have while dating in the States. The same issues come with love, regardless of where you are. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

     

    One of my guilty pleasures is watching “90 Day Fiance” on TLC“. It’s a show about men and women in the U.S. who go through the process of obtaining a K-1 Visa, which gives them 90 days to marry their boyfriends/girlfriends who live overseas. Some of the couples are genuine, while others are marrying for reasons other than love. Which reminds of this quote:

    [bctt tweet=”Love is a beautiful delusion, regardless of where you live in the world.” username=”MsWalton”]

    The participants on “90 Day Fiance” have the same issues as those of us who are stateside. These issues are the inspiration for this blog post. I want to discuss some of the issues that stuck out to me below. Enjoy!

    Respect their culture

    If you’re in a relationship with someone from another cultural background, take the initiative to learn about their culture. If you want to get to know him/her, learning their culture is a part of that. The internet is full of information. Use it and prosper.

    A lie is a lie is a LIE

    If you catch him/her in a lie, question it. Don’t twist their words to make yourself feel better. Don’t make excuses for them. And while you may want to know the truth, know this:

    [bctt tweet=”Once someone lies to you, everything they tell you will feel like a lie, including the truth itself.” username=”MsWalton”]

    If you find yourself wondering if what they’re telling you is the truth, what’s the point in continuing the relationship?

    If everyone else can see it, perhaps you need to see it too

    This might be hard to believe, but everyone isn’t posted up in the corner rooting for you to fail. There are people who not only care about you, but they also want the best for you. Sometimes, what they want for you may not be what you want to hear. Past experiences have taught me to listen when these people speak.

     

    And they say you can’t learn anything from reality television…

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

     

     

     

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships,  Public Service Announcement

    Public Service Announcement: “Good Morning” Texts

    The Recovering Pessimist: Public Service Announcement: The "Good Morning" Text -- I love getting a "good morning" text from someone I like/love. However, when that's the beginning and end of the daily conversation, there's a problem. And that problem is HUGE! | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

    There’s something about waking up each day to a “Good morning” text message from someone you like/love. It makes me smile and (briefly) warms the frigid borders of my heart. Gives me all the feels. Puts a little pep in my step.

    However, there’s a catch to the “Good morning” text, and it’s rooted in motive. When sending a “Good morning” text, two questions should come to mind:

    • Am I sending the text because I care?

    OR

    • Am I sending the text because I feel that I’m obligated to do so?
    Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com
    Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

    Once you work out the motive, you move to the second phases: the follow-through. Once you send the “Good morning” text, make sure to do the following:

    • Ask him/her how he/she is doing.
    • Tell him/her to have a good day/evening/night.
    Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com
    Winnie the Pooh/giphy.com

    [bctt tweet=”If you care about someone, it should show in your actions. ” username=”MsWalton”]

    Also, when someone shows you who they are…even if it’s in a text message, believe them. If they don’t care enough to make text messages count, do you really want to invest more time and/or energy to get to know this person?

    Barack Obama/giphy.com
    Barack Obama/giphy.com

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

     

%d bloggers like this: