The Recovering Pessimist

Helping pessimists see the bright side of life without losing their "half empty" roots.

So About That Apology

Feb
11

When you’re truly apologetic for something, you acknowledge that your words and/or behavior were out of order. You mean what you say. And even if the receiver of the apology doesn’t forgive you, at least you know your apology was sincere.

Not every apology is sincere, though. When someone’s apology is insincere, it shows. It comes off as condescending and/or passive-aggressive. Here’s a classic example of an insincere apology:

“I’m sorry if I said (or did) something that hurt your feelings.”

All that waste of breath did was pack more salt into the wound. Nobody wants a half-ass apology.

An insincere apology is an insult.

Don’t pack more salt into the wound. If the only apology you can muster is half-ass, don’t apologize.

Until next time,

Joy

 

What Are Your Options?

Jan
21
The Recovering Pessimist | "What Are Your Options?" | Every idea I have comes with at least 2 other options, just in case things go left. Having those options make me feel comfortable and prepared. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

Photo by Dose Media on Unsplash

I’ve never subscribed to the idea of only having one chance (or opportunity) to make it happen. That’s a lot of pressure. I don’t want to make myself anxious asking myself the same questions:

What if it doesn’t work?

What am I going to do next?

No matter how confident you are with your idea, things can go left at any moment. Oftentimes without any sort of warning. How will you handle the situation?

You don't forfeit ideas because you didn't have other options.

Keep a few options in your back pocket. Just in case.

Until next time,

Joy

 

Life Through A Dirty Lens

Jan
14
The Recovering Pessimist | "Life Through A Dirty Lens" | It's hard to see through the lens of life when your thoughts are making your vision blurry. How do you clean your lens so you can focus? | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

Photo by Samara Doole on Unsplash

Ever look through a dirty lens?

Your immediate reaction is to clean the lens so you can focus, right?

With that in mind, let’s apply that concept to life in general. It’s hard to see through the lens of life when the chaos (internally and/or externally) is making it impossible to focus?

How do you clean your lens?

I write everything that’s blurring my vision (pen + paper, notes app, etc). I feel lighter just from writing everything down. Next, I sort through what’s written, placing things into categories based on importance/need. Then, I work through my thoughts in order of importance/need.

By doing this, I’ve noticed that this process helps me recognize when life is about to get chaotic before it happens. Learning this process has been an important life lesson.

You can't be your best self with blurred vision. Clean your lens.

Until next time,

Joy

Prioritizing in 2019

Dec
31

My 2019 mantra is inspired by the madness that was 2018. I made 10 goals for 2018. I was excited for 2018 to begin. Each week, I blocked out time in my planner to work on my goals. I was making things happen from January to the end of March.  

April arrived. My productivity shifted. I found myself blocking off less time in my planner. Working on my 10 goals turned into me only working on four goals, which I accomplished. The six remaining goals never made it out of the planning phase. 

Why?

I didn’t prioritize.

Once I worked past the realization, I started planning on how I wanted to prioritize in 2019. There are two ways I want to make this happen: 

Streamline My Goals

Making 10 goals last year was overwhelming To avoid that in 2019, I’m making 2-3 core goals that I can work on throughout the year. I also want to make smaller goals that I’ll accomplish in a shorter timeframe. Speaking of time…

Be Mindful of My Time

It’s wasteful to block off hours at a time to get something done. I’m more productive at night, but that’s not always possible. If I know I have a certain amount of hours to be productive, that’s what I have to work with. Once that time is up, I can keep working if I feel like it. But I don’t force it.

Oftentimes, it’s a simple solution to a difficult problem that eludes us. Don’t overthink it. If you need to step away in order to figure things out, do it.

Cheers to 2019!

 

My 2018 Wrap Up

Dec
24

What. A. Year.

I accomplished things. Learned a lesson or two.

I did some things. I didn’t do some things. I learned things. The following are the lessons and highlights of my 2018.

I don’t need all of the time

I’ve always struggled with time management. I’d do good with it for a bit and then I’d waste it. Rinse and repeat. I’m not sure what happened this year, but something finally clicked:

I need to maximize the time I have.

On weekdays after my full-time job, I have a good 2-3 hours of time to use wisely before I start to wind down for bed. I wasn’t always using this time to my advantage. In recent months, I made some adjustments.

First, I switched up the design of the Wisdom Wednesday template for 2019. Instead of creating multiple templates for those blog posts, I’ve got one template for the entire year. I can’t begin to tell you how I excited I am to not have to spend time keeping up with all of that.

Second, I write on the go. I started this blog post on the mobile WordPress app. I’m kinda ashamed that I haven’t used the WordPress app as much as I should. I can create the bones of blog posts while I’m waiting, on my lunch breaks, etc.

You don't need to block off hours to do a 30-minute task. Tighten up.

Celebrate My Wins

Sooo…I did some peak adulthood ish this summer by becoming a homeowner!!!! I’m just getting over the shock of it all. Things happened so fast that I didn’t really get a chance to celebrate this huge accomplishment. Thankfully, there’s no time limit on celebrating wins!

I also embraced JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out). For as long as I could remember, I hated not being in the loop. It pained me to turn down an invite to dinner, an event, happy hour, etc. Now that I’m on the other end of my 30s, I love staying at home.

I've learned to stop and celebrate my wins before I move onto the next thing. Enjoy these moments.

Make space for the unexpected

I LOVES me a routine! I have routines for weekdays and for weekends. While there’s a bit of flexibility built into my routines, I get irritated when my routines are thrown off.

Throughout the year, I released the grip I had on my routines. I experienced so many things that were totally unexpected. Met some awesome people, had dope conversations, and even got a boost to my creativity. That’s a win-win I can get with.

Although my routine was thrown off throughout the year, the memories created as a result were well worth it.

Be Kind to Myself

When I don’t do what I feel I should be doing, I have a tendency to beat myself up. It could be a combination of forgetting, failure to plan accordingly, or plain ol’ fatigue. To make things worse, I feel bad for beating myself up about doing what I feel I should be doing. Good grief!

After experiencing burnout several times during the year, I had enough of myself. I can’t continue to beat myself up for how I feel.

Being kind to myself is a daily practice. Some days I'll do well and some days won't be so good. That is okay.

This concludes my 2018 wrap up. How was your year? I’d love to hear about it in the comments and/or social media.

See ya in 2019!

Joy

Stop Projecting

Oct
15

I’ve had some bad experiences that left a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like when you burn your tongue and you swear you’ll never be able to taste anything again. Sounds familiar right?

When others around me experience the things I’ve experienced and get better results, I used to feel a way. Bitterness with a sprinkle of jealousy. I felt split in half. I want to celebrate the moment(s) with them because I’m genuinely happy for them. But that other part of me can’t help but to rain on their parade via bitterness and jealousy.

I had a Come to Jesus meeting with myself. I know how it feels to have someone rain on my parade, whether they meant to or not. It’s an emotional gut punch. I don’t want someone else to feel that way.

Just because you're in your feelings doesn't mean that you project those feelings onto others.

This isn’t about me. I should be celebrating someone’s accomplishments. I can wallow later.

Be mindful,

Joy

Allow Yourself to Feel

Aug
13

Peep the scene.

You invest time and energy into something with the hopes that it will be a success. You weigh the pros and cons, mentally preparing yourself for the worst while hoping for the best. Anxiety has you in shambles.

The countdown is over. It’s time to find out your fate…and it’s the worst case scenario.

*insert expletive of choice here*

No matter how much you prepare for it, disappointment hurts like hell. My way of dealing with disappointment was to be upset for a sec and then move on to whatever was next. That worked until this year when I realized that there’s beauty in disappointment.

The catch is, in order to experience the beauty in disappointment, I have to allow myself to feel the disappointment.

When you know better, you do better, right?

Until next time,

Joy

Weathering the Storm

Jul
02

The Recovering Pessimist: "Weathering the Storm" -- There are times where things are just so rough that you can't see the bright side. Storms will always come. Some storms will last longer than others. You will get through it. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistRVA (Richmond, VA) experienced a significant amount of rain over the past few months. It got so bad that we would go a week plus before we saw sunshine again.

During one of these rainy days, I got inspired. I’m in the midst of tackling some major goals. Each goal requires several mini steps (that are also major on their own) that must be completed in order to complete the goal at hand. I had some setbacks thrown in for good measure and during those setbacks, I found myself asking the same question:

Do I really want this?

“Duh! Why would you even ask that?!” is my first response. But wait, there’s more. When you’re in the middle of the storm and the rain is falling so hard you can’t see in front of you, asking this question makes perfect sense. You want the anxiety to go away. You want your appetite to return. You want the headaches to go away. You just want to achieve your goal(s) & continue to live your best life.

The next time you ask yourself if you can weather the storm, remember why you made the goal in the first place. You got this.

Until next time,

Joy

 

Restrict Access

May
28

The Recovering Pessimist: Restrict Access -- Self-care is more than baths with moisturizing bath bombs, wine, and Netflix binges. Self-care is about maintaining your well-being by restricting access to those who no longer have a place in your life. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistWhen I first learned about “self-care”, I thought about luxurious bath soaks, quiet moments reading/journaling, watching TV with wine, etc. As time went on, I learned that in addition to all those things, self-care is anything that improves your well-being.

Fast forward to now. Recently, I was scrolling through my social media and noticed that I followed a few people who I no longer communicate with. Mainly because the reason (or reasons) that made me follow them online were no longer relative to me. Then I had a lightbulb moment.

Why do they need to have access to you online?

There’s no need to keep people around, whether it’s online or offline, that no longer have a place in your life. Doesn’t matter if it’s a close friend or a relative. Self-care is all improving your well-being so why would you keep people in your life that don’t positively affect your well-being?

Do what's best for you, including restricting people's access to you.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

 

Schedule Changes are Coming

Apr
30

A year ago, I decided to focus more on my creative writing projects. After much procrastinating, I created Snapshot Storyteller: an unglamorous and unconventional look into my writing journey (subscribe if you want to stay in the know).

Right now, I want to spend time growing Snapshot Storyteller and working on creative projects. That won’t leave me with a lot of time for The Recovering Pessimist. As of today, the posting schedule will change. Instead of posting every Monday, I will post 1-2 times a month. Wisdom Wednesdays will still post weekly for the rest of this year.

Take of yourself,

MsWalton

 

Is It Complicated?

Apr
23

The Recovering Pessimist: "Is It Complicated?" -- When a relationship status changes to "It's Complicated", sometimes I wonder if the relationship is complicated by choice, circumstance, or both. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

 

Allow me to set the scene.

You’re on Facebook, scrolling through your timeline. You notice that one of your friends has changed their relationship to “It’s Complicated”. At that moment, you may ask yourself the following:

Is it complicated by circumstance?

Is it complicated by choice?

I decided to answer these questions based on my own observations.

Is it complicated by circumstance?

Things could be complicated due to lack of communication. If neither party expresses their expectations, wants, etc., the relationship itself will resemble a car when you take your hands off the wheel. The relationship will run smoothly for a bit but at some point, it will veer off the road.

Is it complicated by choice?

I’ve witnessed people in relationships voluntarily engage in BS for the sheer delight of relishing in chaos. I’ll never understand it, but that’s not my battle to fight. The idea of enjoying a healthy relationship just isn’t appealing to some. I guess that’s okay. Clearly folks like making a mountain out of a molehill.

Are relationships really complicated? Some are, whether it’s by circumstances, choice, or both. What won’t make them any less complicated is letting everyone know that your relationship is complicated. No need to make something more difficult than it is, right?

Take care,

MsWalton

 

 

Mind Your Business

Apr
16

The Recovering Pessimist: "Mind Your Business" -- Worrying about yourself and yourself only is crucial for your well-being. If that appears hard to do, try it. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistMinding your business is one of those life mantras that you can never be reminded of enough. I figured what’s one more reminder right?

We’re surrounded by other people’s business, whether it’s intended for us to know about it or not. For the most part, you manage to avoid it. Other times, you can’t because folks bring their issues/problems/concerns to your emotional doorstep and leave them there for you to sort through.

It’s emotionally and physically draining & on top of that, you don’t know what to do about the mess left on your emotional doorstep. I usually experience two things during this process.

One, you want to help because you want the best for those involved. Nothing wrong with that. Two, you need to stay out of it. No matter how much you may care about those involved, getting involved is going to do harm to you and your well-being.

Minding your business is good for your well-being. If you don't already do it, try it and report back.

Until next time,

MsWalton

 

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