• The Complexities of Life

    Dating the Representative

    The Recovering Pessimist | Dating the Representative | www.therecoveringpessimist.me | #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

    Dating involves the full spectrum of emotion. You’re meeting someone you don’t really know. You’re intrigued by what you see hear, but also fearful because there’s so much you haven’t seen or heard.

    I refer to this as “Dating the Representative”.

    There’s no guarantee that the person you’re dating is showing their genuine self. There’s nothing wrong with that. We have our guards up. You don’t know what anyone’s intentions are. So, you show the best parts of yourself, including their potential.

    Over time, you hope that the representative will eventually reveal their true selves. Be more vulnerable. Share their hopes, their fears. But, this doesn’t always happen. Some representatives are in it for the long game. They make it to marriage and then…then is when their true selves come out.

    Here’s the thing.

    Enjoy getting to know someone. Have deep conversations. Learn about each other. See things for what they are in the moment, but don’t ignore the signs. Ask questions.

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Recovering Pessimist | Back to Center: Update 7 | www.therecoveringpessimist.me | #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #backtocenter
    Back to Center

    Back to Center: Update 7

    2020 has been one hell of a year.

    I’m stressed, my anxiety is a hot mess, and writing this blog post has been a struggle.

    It’s felt like an endless gut punch. Kobe died, COVID-19 hit the streets, and an election year have all weighed on my spirit.

    I’ve struggled with my creativity throughout the year. It comes in waves where I don’t want to do anything & waves where I get a rush of ideas at one time.

    In between the gut punches, there have been some bright spots.

    1. The pandemic sent my job home to telework, something I’ve wanted to do for years.
    2. I got my 2021 Passion Planner in the mail & I look forward to using it to not only keep me organized but also a creative outlet.
    3. I learned to give myself a lot of grace this year.
    4. I made adjustments in my home in anticipation of the upcoming cold weather months.

    I don’t expect 2021 to be the start of everything suddenly better. What I do expect to do remain focused while being gentle with myself. That’s all we can do at this point, right?

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Recovering Pessimist | The Aftermath of Being Loud and Wrong | www.therecoveringpessimist.me | #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    The Complexities of Life

    The Aftermath of Being Loud and Wrong

    Growing up, I was told that not every thought, opinion, or idea I have needs to be shared. I still feel that way, especially with social media making it so easy to share. It’s a platform for them to share what they think/feel, especially when they’re loud and wrong.

    I call these folks Megaphone Mary and Mike.

    Megaphone Mary and Mike will go online and share thoughts/opinions that don’t make sense. It defies science, history, and common sense. Take the pandemic for example. Below are a few of the things Megaphone Mary and Mike have posted online about COVID-19:

    • It’s just the flu.
    • Wearing a mask violates my rights.
    • It’s a hoax.

     

     

    While you have every right to share how you feel, others have the same right to comment on what you shared. What tickles me is when folks challenge what’s shared, Megaphone Mary and Mike get reeallll mad.

    At this point, I think science and/or common sense is to Megaphone Mary and Mike what sunlight is to vampires.

    Folks aren’t always going to agree on social media. Being exposed to varying viewpoints is a benefit of those platforms. But since Megaphone Mary and Mike don’t like being challenged, I have a solution for that:

    • Delete your account

    Folks are losing their jobs based on something that was shared online. If I were Megaphone Mary and Mike, I’d think twice before I hit “Share”. I would say to share it in a group chat, but folks are getting fired from that too so yeah. Get a good pen and a nice journal and write it down.

    Until next time,

    Joy

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    Unpack Your Baggage

    The Recovering Pessimist | Unpack Your Baggage | www.therecoveringpessimist.me | #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistWe all have baggage. The amount of baggage we carry ranges from person to person. The same can be said for how we choose to unpack our baggage. Some of us unpack with therapy, journaling, etc. It’s not easy, but it necessary. And some of us…well, some of us choose to not unpack.

    Why?

     

    Acknowledging that you have baggage is one hurdle. Acknowledging that you need to unpack that baggage is another hurdle. It’s easier to ignore both hurdles and allow the baggage to accumulate. The problem with that is that over time, the baggage will get too heavy for you to carry & you’ll have to unpack your baggage before you’re ready.

    There’s a better way.

    You don’t have to unpack everything all at once. Unpack a little at a time. Work at a pace that manageable for you so you won’t get overwhelmed. Reflect on your progress. Repeat. There are going to be some tough times during the journey. Be gentle with yourself.

    Until next time,

    Joy

     

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    Determined in 2020

    My 2020 goals require that I keep the fire lit under my behind. Otherwise, all it takes is one good time to slack for everything to fall apart (and stay that way). When I started brainstorming my 2020 mantra, it was a no-brainer:

    Determined

    For me to be determined with my goals, I need to work on them daily without getting overwhelmed. How do I prevent overwhelm? By creating habits.

    Habits are the adjustment to my mindset that I need in order to be successful.

    And the habits aren’t anything out of the ordinary. One of my habits is reading something (e.g., physical book, e-book, article, etc) each day. I made sure to not add a specific duration of time to my habit because that would overwhelm me.

    Work on it day by day.

    Little by little.

    We got this.

    Until next time,

    Joy

     

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    My 2019 Wrap Up

    The Recovering Pessimist | My 2019 Wrap Up | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

    I started 2019 with a full list of goals to accomplish. As the year progressed, my priorities shifted from my list of goals to a focus on being productive with focusing on self-care. I’m proud of the things I accomplished. I’m also grateful for the lessons I learned in the midst of some hellacious storms. Below are the highlights and lessons learned in 2019:

    2019 Highlights 

    Got a raise

    Amazed and shocked. That’s all I can say.

    Got comfy at home

    Throughout the year, I made improvements at home to make things more comfortable. I brought a combination washer/dryer, which is fabulous! I replaced a noisy bathroom exhaust fan with a much quieter model. The hideous storage shed in the backyard got demolished. I also finished an outdoor storage space with drywall.

    Discovered couponing accounts on Instagram

    I love a great deal and I’ll wait months for something I want to go on sale before I buy it. Couponing accounts on Instagram have saved me so much money. Just remember to turn your notifications on:)

    I saw Hamilton!

    Ya’ll, when news broke that Hamilton was coming to Richmond, I was excited. The show is amazing!  If it comes to your area and you’re able to see it, go! You won’t regret it.

    2019 Lesson Learned

    Set boundaries…and stick to them

    Boundaries were a key part of my self-care this year. I had to finally acknowledge that I could no longer ignore the toxic people in my life. The hardest part of this process was separating the person from who they were in my life. I continue to struggle with that at times, but I remind myself why these boundaries exist, and I continue to follow through. By sticking to the boundaries I set, my stress/anxiety levels are manageable.

    This year was a great year. I’m grateful for all that I’ve done and learned. I’m happy to go into 2020 in a much better headspace. I hope 2020 will be a kickass year for you!

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Recovering Pessimist | Rerouting... | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #therecoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    The Complexities of Life

    Rerouting…

    GPS can take you through the full spectrum of emotion.

    When you make your turns on time, things are great. You’re singing along to your playlist. You’re on time to your destination.

    Somewhere along the way, you missed a turn. And we all know what happens when you miss a GPS turn.

    Rerouting…

     

     

    Cue the panic. Getting rerouted sucks for many reasons, the main one being that you don’t know what’s next. You turn down the stereo’s volume so that you can make sure that you hear each direction that GPS won’t repeat. Your nerves…well, they are shot to hell.

    You make it to your destination and you let out a sigh of relief. After gathering yourself, you realize that you now have an alternative way to make it to your destination. In life, we get rerouted all the time. We panic when things don’t go as planned because we don’t know what to expect. That makes sense.

    Imagine what could happen if we approached the reroutes in our lives in a positive manner?

    Embrace the unexpected. You never know where it will lead you.

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Complexities of Life

    Change Your Approach

    The Recovering Pessimist | "Change Your Approach" | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #optimisticpessimist #recoveringpessimist

    Disappointment is something that everyone should experience at least once in life.

    Why? Because we need to know how to react when something doesn’t go the way we want. Sometimes, we have to be disappointed in order to force ourselves to change our approach.

    If you've only done things one way and got the same results, how can you expect for the results to change?

     

     

     

    Once I changed my approach, I yielded better results. I still got disappointment, but I handled it differently. I didn’t see it as a disaster. I studied what I did, the results I got, and my disappointment. Took what I learned from that, and revised my approach for the next attempt. Rinse and repeat.

    It’s not all roses, but neither is life. Allow yourself to feel. Then reflect, re-evaluate, and try again.

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Complexities of Life

    Celebrate!!

    The Recovering Pessimist | "Celebrate!!" | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

    I’ve been thinking about celebrations. When good news happened, I used to make a small production out of it. Things that would force me to slow down and enjoy the moment. I’m talking happy dances, a night out with friends, etc.

    We don’t celebrate things like we used to. I’m not blaming social media entirely, but real-life is imitating social media. It’s much easier to share a post on social media about your good news. It’s easier to share via social media than to send a bunch of texts and/or call everyone.

    Once that’s posted, we move onto the next thing.

    I have a problem with that.

    There’s so much sadness around us. At times, it feels like it’s robbing us of whatever happiness we have. We need to replace that happiness. When we have moments that deserve a celebration, we owe an obligation to ourselves to celebrate.

    Doesn’t matter how big or small the celebration is.

    Slow down.

    Pat yourself on the back.

    Dance your heart out.

    Have a drink.

    Eat something delish.

    Shed some tears.

    Relish in the fact that something fantastic happened. Something that you expected. Something you didn’t expect. Something you manifested, hoped for, dreamed about.

    Whatever it is, it happened…to you.

    Congratulations!

    Joy

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • The Recovering Pessimist | "So About That Apology" | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    The Complexities of Life

    So About That Apology

    When you’re truly apologetic for something, you acknowledge that your words and/or behavior were out of order. You mean what you say. And even if the receiver of the apology doesn’t forgive you, at least you know your apology was sincere.

    Not every apology is sincere, though. When someone’s apology is insincere, it shows. It comes off as condescending and/or passive-aggressive. Here’s a classic example of an insincere apology:

    “I’m sorry if I said (or did) something that hurt your feelings.”

    All that waste of breath did was pack more salt into the wound. Nobody wants a half-ass apology.

    An insincere apology is an insult.

    Don’t pack more salt into the wound. If the only apology you can muster is half-ass, don’t apologize.

    Until next time,

    Joy

     

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