• The Recovering Pessimist | Disconnect from Chaos | www.therecoveringpessimist.me | #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optmisticpessimist
    The Complexities of Life

    Disconnect from Chaos

    Folks are drawn to chaos like moths to a damn flame. Drama and shenanigans join forces to create this overwhelming emotional wildfire that gets folks going. Tickles their fancies. They thrive off of it.

    Chaotic people will drain you of your time and energy. They leave their issues on your doorstep expecting you to solve them. It’s exhausting. I remember telling people that I don’t want to hear about the same issues over and over again because they have no intention of resolving their issues.

    Why? Resolving their issues would end the chaos that they love.

    You know what else would end the chaos?

    Disconnecting yourself from the chaos. This can be done in two ways:

    1. Have a conversation with the chaotic person. Let them know that you want them in your life (assuming you want to keep them in your life), but you want NO parts of the madness they thrive off of.
    2. Cut the person from your life. I’ve done this after I had the conversation and the person continued to bring their mess to my doorstep. I’m only going to tell you one time. If you do it again, it’s over.

    Neither option is easy, but peace of mind is worth it.

    Until next time,

    Joy

  • The Recovering Pessimist: The Problem with Potential -- You can see someone for who they can become, yet still see them for who they are in the moment. On the flip side, you can ONLY see someone for who they are and nothing else. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist
    The Complexities of Life

    The Problem with Potential

    Disclaimer: I went back and forth regarding the length of this post. Part of me kinda wanted to make it a normal-length post, but when tried to make a longer post, it didn’t feel right. So here it is, simple and to the point. I hope you enjoy it.

    There are two sides to potential:

    One, you can see the potential in someone and still see them for who they are in the moment. That’s the ideal side of the coin to be on.

    Two, you ONLY see someone for what they could be. Even worse, your interaction with that person is based on their potential, versus who they are right now.

    After much heartache (and lost time that I can’t get back), when it comes to potential, it’s best to see someone for who they are right now because if they don’t reach their potential, you can save yourself a lot of time and heartache.

    [tweetshare tweet=”Fall for people for who they are now versus who they could be. What if they never become that person? ” username=”2n$28p1ijG!jkr6qAqbM5JM&XPcH%QfD:1:0″]

     

  • The Complexities of Life

    A Pep Talk to Myself

    The Recovering Pessimist: A Pep Talk to Myself -- I have my down moments. Self-doubt creeps in and screws with my psyche. I wanted to share a pep talk I recently had with myself. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimistI have moments when I don’t feel good enough. The “what ifs” creep in, bringing the self-doubt that I worked so hard to keep at bay to the surface.

    Years ago, I would panic when this would happen. Now, I understand that it’s okay to have these moments. How I handled these moments when self-doubt attempted a takeover is what mattered. These days, I give myself a pep talk. Nothing fancy, just a conversation to myself from myself. Below is an example of a pep talk I wrote in my journal about a year ago. After you read it, let me know if you give yourself pep talks and what you tell yourself.

    After you read it, let me know if you give yourself pep talks and what you tell yourself. Without further adieu, here we go.

    Look, I get that you’re having a down moment now and that’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re surrounded by some pretty awesome people who care about you and want nothing but the best for you. Lean on them. Let them help you. 

    You have dreams and goals. That requires patience, which you don’t have much of. Remember, patience is necessary for your growth. Nothing in this life will happen on your time.

    It’s healthy to want love in your life. Don’t seek love. Live your life. Let love come to you.

    Appreciate what you see in the mirror, flaws included. Flaws make you the dope soul that you are. 

    Repeat this as much as you need to until the self-doubt goes away.

    Love,

    Me

     

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    #Love is Necessary

    The Recovering Pessimist: #Love is Necessary -- Each time I encountered Love, I emerged as a better person. Love helped me grow as a person. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutloveThere are two things that come to mind when I think of Love: Happiness and Heartache.

    Happiness is an awesome feeling. It feels calming; like a glass of smooth whiskey or a comfy blanket on a chilly evening.

    My experiences with heartache ranged from devastation to sad understanding. Heartache hurts, and while I don’t want to experience it, I know that it’s necessary.

    Both happiness and heartache are necessary aspects of Love. They taught me lessons which made me a better person.

    Love softens me. 

    Love gives me hope.

    Love humbled me.

    [tweetshare tweet=”I wouldn’t be who I am without Love.” username=”2n$28p1ijG!jkr6qAqbM5JM&XPcH%QfD:1:0″]

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    #Love is Unexpected

    The Recovering Pessimist: #Love is Unexpected -- It's been my experience that Love needs to come to me versus me looking for Love. I learned to appreciate the unexpectedness of Love, and I'm grateful for that. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #optimisticpessimist #recoveringpessimist #mytruthaboutlove

    While working on the Dear #Love Letter series and #Love: A Musical Retrospective, I realized that there was a recurring theme:

    Love works on its own schedule.

    You would think this be a “duh” moment, but like many things in my life, I had to figure this one out. I fought Love. I tried so hard to make Love work on my own terms. I planned for it. I did all the work required to invite Love in.

    In return, Love laughed at me and delivered a well-needed life lesson:

    [bctt tweet=”What you want and what the Universe wants for you aren’t going to line up all the time. ” username=”MsWalton”]

     

    Praise/Giphy.com
    Praise/Giphy.com

     

    When you know better, you do better right?

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

     

     

     

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    #Love + Pride = Disaster

     

    The Recovering Pessimist: #Love + Pride = Disaster -- Several things have ruined my relationships in the past (e.g., jealousy, lack of trust, etc.). None of those things were as disastrous as pride. You can sense jealousy and lac of trust, but pride is hard to detect. And by the time you detect it, it may be too late. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #mytruthaboutlove #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

    When people enter into a relationship, a few things should beare understood:

    1. Someone else’s wants and needs should be considered as well as yours.

    2. You aren’t always going to be right.

    3. Your thoughts are feelings aren’t more important than the other party.

    Having an understanding of those three things is crucial to the success of the relationship. In addition, pride can ruin your understanding of these things.

    There were a few times where I let pride get the best of me. I was so selfish. If it wasn’t about me first, I wasn’t hearing it. I didn’t care about my boyfriend’s feelings enough to make them a priority. When arguments would occur, I was always right…even when I was dead ass wrong.

    My selfishness was responsible for many failed relationships. There were a few times where I managed to check myself before things took a hard left, but it was too late to salvage the relationship.

    [bctt tweet=”Pride will destroy everything in its path, including your relationship. ” username=”MsWalton”]

    Ain’t that the truth.

    Those lessons on pride’s place in relationships were hard, but they were necessary. I have to humble myself when it comes to relationships if I want my future relationship(s) to prosper.

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    #Love is a Winning AND Losing Game

    The Recovering Pessimist: Love is a Winning AND Losing Game -- As in life, there are winners and losers when it comes to love, and that is okay. I learned to live in moment versus worrying about when the other shoe in the relationship would fall. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutloveAmy Winehouse was on to something with “Love Is a Losing Game”.

    Allow me to explain.

    In life, there are losers and winners. The same applies to love.

    There are moments where I was a winner in love. Everything was going well in the relationship, I couldn’t stop smiling, and my heart was full of happiness.

    At some point, those winning moments turned sour. Frowns and sadness replaced smiles and happiness. The relationship ended. All was not well in my world. I lost.

    But it’s okay.

    Heartache is an unwanted necessity of life. Instead of wallowing in my broken heart, I learned to remember those moments where I was a winner.

    [bctt tweet=”Sometimes losing is inevitable, even in love. ” username=”MsWalton”]

    Until next time,

    MsWalton

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships

    My Truth About #Love

    The Recovering Pessimist: My Truth About Love (Intro) -- I don't participate in Valentine's Day (it's a retail holiday, but I digress), however, I wanted to create a themed series about the truths I learned (the hard way) about love. I hope you enjoy! | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist #mytruthaboutlove

    I love writing about love and all of its complexities. Back in 2014 and 2016 I did a themed February series on love. I enjoyed creating the themes and wanted to do it again for 2017.

    During my brainstorming sessions, I wanted to do things a bit simpler this year. When I was jotting down my lessons learned for 2016, many of those lessons centered around love.

    Which brings me to the “My Truth About #Love” series. This series consists of four truths posted each Monday in February.

    I hope you enjoy the series!

     

     

     

     

  • Love, Dating, & Relationships,  The Complexities of Life

    3 Thoughts While Watching #90DayFiance

    The Recovering Pessimist: A Few Thoughts While Watching #90DayFiance -- While watching #90DayFiance I wondered if those who seek love abroad do so thinking that they won't have the issues that they have while dating in the States. The same issues come with love, regardless of where you are. | www.therecoveringpessimist.me #amwriting #recoveringpessimist #optimisticpessimist

     

    One of my guilty pleasures is watching “90 Day Fiance” on TLC“. It’s a show about men and women in the U.S. who go through the process of obtaining a K-1 Visa, which gives them 90 days to marry their boyfriends/girlfriends who live overseas. Some of the couples are genuine, while others are marrying for reasons other than love. Which reminds of this quote:

    [bctt tweet=”Love is a beautiful delusion, regardless of where you live in the world.” username=”MsWalton”]

    The participants on “90 Day Fiance” have the same issues as those of us who are stateside. These issues are the inspiration for this blog post. I want to discuss some of the issues that stuck out to me below. Enjoy!

    Respect their culture

    If you’re in a relationship with someone from another cultural background, take the initiative to learn about their culture. If you want to get to know him/her, learning their culture is a part of that. The internet is full of information. Use it and prosper.

    A lie is a lie is a LIE

    If you catch him/her in a lie, question it. Don’t twist their words to make yourself feel better. Don’t make excuses for them. And while you may want to know the truth, know this:

    [bctt tweet=”Once someone lies to you, everything they tell you will feel like a lie, including the truth itself.” username=”MsWalton”]

    If you find yourself wondering if what they’re telling you is the truth, what’s the point in continuing the relationship?

    If everyone else can see it, perhaps you need to see it too

    This might be hard to believe, but everyone isn’t posted up in the corner rooting for you to fail. There are people who not only care about you, but they also want the best for you. Sometimes, what they want for you may not be what you want to hear. Past experiences have taught me to listen when these people speak.

     

    And they say you can’t learn anything from reality television…

    Until next time,

    MsWalton